The fabulous Effy Wild is hosting a blog along this month. I am going to try and participate. No promises on keeping up daily. But I will try my best to do so. I feel like I am already failing since the day is almost over and I am just now making a post.
The first prompt is:
TODAY'S NUDGE
1) Start where you are. What's going on with you? What's on your heart/mind today, right now, at this moment. No back story necessary. No disclaimers. What's up, buttercup? Spill it.
A little encouragement.
Right now, I am heartbroken. A week ago, my kitten got hurt. It was fatal. She died in my arms while we were about to pull out of the drive to rush her to the vet. Mom even tried to give her CPR. I hurts...like a bitch. It fucking hurts...A LOT! I have never experienced losing a pet that was mine.
The household here has lost pets, but none of them were mine. So I don't feel like it affected me the same as those that spent everyday with those fur babies. I do have other cats. But this one, this sweet girl of mine, she was different. I can't explain how, but she was. She did things none of the others will do.
I first laid eyes on her the day she was born with her 5 other siblings. When she was a week old, we fostered her and the litter along with Momma cat for about three weeks before they went back to their house. (That's another story, but not mine to tell) From the moment she opened her eyes, she chose me. When she finally came back to me, she would flop at my feet for a belly rub. She followed me every where. Every day was a new discovery with her. She liked Chili flavored Fritos and she liked spinach. She would curl up in my lap and put her paw in my hand and fall asleep. For a little kitten, she had the loudest purr. I miss her terribly.
I'm still trying to find my happy place with my art space. Still trying to develop my creative practice. I do it for a couple days or maybe almost a week, and then I fall off the wagon. It's really hard when you try to come to the table and then you are interrupted with the "what are you doing? why are you in here?" type things. If only my room was a foot or two bigger, I could maybe hang a curtain around my space to kinda of cocoon myself in. There is no way to move things around to find a happy medium. Maybe it's just my inner gremlins grasping at any excuse too that would keep me away from doing something I love. It is so hard to come to the table when you get paralyzed by fear and doubt all the time. Or those stupid gremlins constantly whisper in your ear that you aren't good enough, that you are a failure, and that you don't deserve happiness. Really need to work on shutting them up.
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