Day 2 - What I Want

TODAY'S NUDGE
2) What do you really want?


This is so hard...saying what I want.  It makes me feel vulnerable, exposed.  There are a lot of things I want.  Some feel unattainable and out of reach, while others feel like they could be just within my grasp or in my hands with a little bit of effort on my part.  How about a list? Yeah?  In not particular order, things I want...........

• A divorce!  Sounds weird?  Maybe.  But the reality of it is, my marriage was over a long time ago. If a time frame is needed, probably the year after my grandma died is when I knew that I knew it was over.  So almost ten years ago. Four years later, I left.  He was still in denial.  I hear tell he wants a divorce too, but he's not taking steps to make it happen.  If I could do it, I would.  But financially I can't, I don't have that kinda money.
• A creative practice. One in which I show up every day, or almost every day because you know...shit happens, life happens.  But I want to be able to come to my art space and create, make art, do a craft, write pages of stories.
• A spiritual practice.  This one is tough.  I truly don't know how to show up.  The only ritual I know is that from Catholic mass. I left that a long time ago.  I never felt I belonged.  Then I tried the whole born-again thing.  Yeah, no...definitely not my thing.  Too much our way or the highway for me.  Didn't matter if it was a mega church or a small church, the mentality was the same.  But this isn't soap box time.  Honestly, I feel more connected to Paganism, hedge/kitchen craft, Druidry-Avalon, herbs and crystals, okay fine...I'm eclectic!  
• A tribe.  I need people, not like everyday in your face, but a handful I can connect with.  I have online people, but I don't have people people.  Those one or two that will pop over and say "Come on, we're going on an adventure." Or ones that I can cry my heart on their shoulder or scream at the top of my lungs to, without judgement. 
• To find myself and my voice.  To be true and authentic.  To feel like I matter, that my words matter.  

There's more....so much more.  Like to be able to have enough money that I can help out friends in need.  To have enough money to tell my daughters that they can go to any college they want without worry.  To be able to buy the house we live in, free and clear.  To help family when they need it.  

I want to not be in pain, physical pain all the time.  I want Granny A to have more good days than bad days.  I want Mom to not be in pain from her surgeries.  I want there to be peace, health care for all, hell how about free college and universal income too.  

I want to travel.  I want to see where my father was born, my grandfather, my great grandparents.  I want see if the house my grandfather built is still standing.  I want to go to Scotland and England.  Maybe try living across the pond for a time, a month? Six months? A year? 

I want to follow my dreams, to see them come to reality.  I want to get my herbalist certifications, crystal healer certifications.  I want to write my book...or books. Maybe even get published, but that would require me actually writing on paper and not just in my imagination.

I want YOU to be happy and healthy and loved!