Monday, June 28, 2010

Epic Trailer for Harry Potter Fans!

It's no secret to those that know me and my eldest that Harry Potter is king in our house. We've counted down to every movie and book release. Went to the last 2 or 3 midnight releases of the books. Attended the opening weekend showings of the last couple films. Much as we'd have liked to attend every opening immediately it wasn't always possible.

Now are journey with Harry on the big screen is coming to an end. We've been waiting patiently or trying to but with the release of the epic trailer today, November is too far away. The trailer can be viewed here.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Tomorrow is a Lunar Eclipse

These last couple of weeks, maybe the last month even, I've been feeling unsettled. Like I'm balanced on the edge of a blade, sort of like I'm walking on eggshells. Things have felt out of sorts, I've been tired and not from lack of sleep, feeling like I'm waiting for something to waiting for the other shoe to drop. The anticipation doesn't feel good, it's awoken a fear in me that seems to be plunging me into a darkness that I can't find my way out of. I don't know where or what all of the fear is relating too. I know much of it is between me and my beloved, that he won't be able to come here, that we won't be able to be together, the distance is overwhelming me more than ever. The other part is the enormous fear that I won't be able to leave "HIM" if/when the time comes. Or that "HE'D" do something to keep me from leaving.

I've been reading some different sites/blogs that have been talking about this upcoming eclipse and it seems to be the cause of the increase or heightening of my fear(s). They may be unwarranted, I don't know, but if the build up to and the eclipse itself is the cause of the way I'm feeling it would make sense.

I was reading through some yahoo group mails I get and a link to a blog with a post about the eclipse was in one of the emails. So blog addict that I am, I went over to check out what Harmony had to say. It was all rather interesting and seemed to be along the lines of what others had to say. But what I found most interesting was my horoscope for this week. This is what Harmony posted:

scorpio- week of 6/21-6/27
the cardinal grand cross that is building up is set to activate your cadent houses of transition, transformation and endings. major activations and shifts in your communication, work and service, beliefs and connection to Higher Self, and spiritual path and connection to the Unconscious are set to happen over the coming months. on monday as the sun moves into cancer (marking the summer solstice) and your 9th house of spiritual and philosophical beliefs you can expect the major changes in your life to open you up to new ways of viewing the world and your part in it. on saturday the lunar eclipse falls in your 3rd house of communication marking poignant endings and new beginnings when it comes to how you communicate (teaching, speaking, writing) and how you relate to your immediate environment. with your ruler pluto conjunct this eclipse transformation is the name of the game. releasing old ways of communicating that may have been based on holding back your Truth, stonewalling or defensiveness is key in order to open up to new ways of connecting and communicating with those around you. this week things really get cooking but it takes all summer for things to truly unfold. as a scorpio you are no stranger to going through massive transitions of death and rebirth which empower you and enable you to rise above the ashes (like the phoenix- a symbol for your sign). this summer you are able to go through a powerful transition in many areas of your life- you just have to embrace it fearlessly and move through the fire. just do it!

The things I set in bold are what really jumped out at me. My Muse does seem to be stirring, though I don't know with what yet but I can sort of feel like we may be on the verge of reconnecting. I've also been feeling like I need to really start to study more and seek my path, whatever that might be, not these half assed attempts I've been doing. And the Phoenix, I've never thought to associate it with Scorpio, but I love the Phoenix.

I know things are going to change. And I could end up losing every thing I have (materially) again. It would devastate me if I did lose my personal things, but even if that happens I know I can rise up from that and move forward however difficult that maybe be.

I don't know what this eclipse and the upcoming solar on July 11th will bring, but we shall see.

Mother Moon's Give Away

Mother Moon is having an Anniversary giveaway. Hop on over and check her out.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Tis Faerie Day

Today is Faerie Day. Founded by artist Jessica Galbreth. Follow the links to learn more about it and ways to maybe celebrate the day.

June 24th is Fairy Day!

Fairy Day! The official holiday for fairy collectors, believers, artisans and the young at heart. Celebrated around the world by those who love all things fairy. Mark your calendars & join in the magic! Fairy Day falls on June 24th each year!

Fairy Day
24th June

Fairy Day is an annual holiday where those souls who love all things fairy can celebrate our interest in this mythical and magical genre. It is also a time to celebrate nature and our environment, and just shamelessly BE a fairy!

June 24th, close to the northern hemispheres Midsummers Eve, is a magical time of year long celebrated for its link to the fairy world. A groupt of fellow fairy artists have created a web site filled with ideas for both young and old, free Fairy Day graphics and e-cards, and magical tales of fairies throughout the world.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I almost lost you yesterday...And I'm sorry

Yesterday was a rough day. I spent the better part of it crying my eyes out. You my love, you know this. I'm sorry I've been pushing you away, I'm sorry I've been shutting you out. The distance is too much to bear, and the fear of living with "HIM", of what if I can't leave "HIM", of what if you can't ever be's eating away at me.

I don't know how to explain what it's like. Other than, think of the fear as what Selim/Pride turned into when he was with Al holding him captive. That big ominous blackness with arm-like tentacles that held on to Al, and the more they fought Selim and cut one of there was another 'arm' to replace it. That's what the fear is like dark, gripping and then all consuming like Gluttony. Right about now, it feels like when Ed and Ling were inside Gluttony with no way out.

I want to trust you, I want to believe in you...believe in us. I just don't know how. I've been hurt and lied to so many times, I don't know if I can. I'm afraid to let the walls down with you...with anyone. I'm always second guessing what people do and say.

It scares me to stay here with "HIM" because I don't know how long "HE'll" stay civil/non-violent. You've heard "HIM" how "HE" talks to me, yells at me when "HE'S" "HE" gets when all that's wrong in the world is my fault.

I just feel so alone, and the fear is creating such an all consuming darkness and it's pushing me deeper and deeper into the dark that I don't know how to find my way out. It feels like the fear will control me all my life...just like it has been.

I don't know how to fight the fear, how to fight the darkness. I don't how to find my way out. It's hard not to believe the things "HE'S" said to me over the years. It's hard to not see myself that way.

But I'm sorry for how I've been to you and I hope you can forgive me.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Litha Blessings

Wishing you all a Blessed Litha! Happy and Blessed Midsummer!

I can hardly believe half a year has gone by already. I wonder where has it gone, what do I have to show for it.

It's supposed to be a day of joy and blessing, but I'm feeling sad and alone. I am trying to find the positive and find a way out, and all I see is being trapped in a place I don't wish to be. So I've asked the Goddess to show me that there is an end in sight somewhere soon. To give me some hope that it will not be like this for me forever.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Ways to create what I'm calling my "Freedom Fund"

Well the last few days or so, I've been wracking my brains on just how to make this "Freedom Fund" of mine a reality. Now I know I won't make it all this way but it can be a start.

With some (a lot of) encouragement from my friend Kat, you all know her as the Tameran Witch, we've talked a bit about this...and I will most likely be crocheting up some shawls. I'm still looking for the simplest pattern I can find as I'm sort of rusty at the moment. (not that I was a pro to begin with mind you :D). I was also thinking about making some 'dream' pillows or something along those lines. I have plenty of cloth and like 3 decent size bags of fiber fill. I even have some quilt batting. I had seen a pattern not long ago where you take quilt squares and cut them into pie quarters and then sew them together (one color for each element). Now for the life of me I can't find the darn thing. But my thought was to maybe whip up a couple of those and possibly cushion them with the quilt batting.

I've also proposed to my wee one who has a knack for making some jewelry that if she'd like to make a few bucks, I'd be willing to put up some of her things if she wants. She seemed to like that idea.

I need to dig around and pull out my BAGS of yarn and see what I have on hand to work with. And maybe we can snag a trip to Hobby Lobby and/or Michael's so she can pick up some supplies and I might be able to find some other ideas.

I can't sit by and wait for something to happen. I have to make it happen.

Friday, June 11, 2010

I Don't Speak Lawyerese

Why the hell is it that when ever you get a letter from the courts it's all in legal jargon that I can't friggin' understand. I mean if you're sending it to the lawyers I get it...they studied it and are fluent in it or should be...but me...I'm just a lowly civilian and I'm clueless. If they are gonna send me a damn letter, spell it out in plain English so that I know if something has been discharged or not. Don't throw a bunch of legal code at me and talk in a foreign form of English that just sets my head spinning in circles. And forget trying to call the lawyers, all I ever get is voice mail, they never call me back to answer my questions. Just because we've already gone to court and you've gotten most of your money from us, doesn't mean that you can ignore me.

That's my vent for the day. (not saying it will be my only one :D)

Monday, June 7, 2010

Book Review-Stonewylde Series

About 2 weeks ago now, I was pleasantly (ecstatically) surprised with the gift of receiving the Stonewylde series by Kit Berry. I'd heard about this series a few months ago over at Mrs. B's site.

I've been searching high and low for them but neither the bookstore nor the library was carrying them. And then I got them in the mail as a gift. (thanks to my beloved spoiling me with them.)

I read all 3 in a week's time! Yes folks they are that good. I couldn't put them down. Kit is a marvelous storyteller. She has a knack for weaving her words so that you can see the story unfolding in your mind. Only two other books in recent years have done that for me and that is the "Harry Potter" series and "Lord of the Rings". Prior to that, I think only V.C. Andrews came close.

Her tale of love and hope, lies and betrayal, and her description of the Pagan celebrations are wonderful. You can't help but fall in love with Sylvie and Yul and Mother Heggy. I don't want to go into details but I highly recommend reading them. I can't wait until the fourth book is written and released.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Just how much more do I have to take?

Well, "HE'S" at it again. And I don't know just how much more I can take. I don't have the money to leave, I don't have a place to go. I can't go to a shelter and leave everything I own behind, and then have to be cut off from people I'm close to so "HE" can't track me down. Yes, I've looked into the whole shelter means no cellphone, no computer, least not while I'm on the premises. But using it off site, means "HE" could use the GPS to track me.

This time, I don't know what really set "HIM" off. "HE" came in all pissed off, started ranting about the trash not being picked's not my fault that the company screwed up. When I stood up to "HIM" that "HE" needed to stop taking it out on us it wasn't our fault..."HE" yells "I'm not.", slams out of the room, comes back yells some more about something, slams out, comes back a third time and starts ranting that "HE'S" really pissed that the kitchen is a mess and that we expect "HIM" to clean it up and how "HE" just worked a full day...blah blah blah.

Mind you my daughter had just made some pasta for us about a half hour earlier, which we hadn't yet finished eating there was still some in the pot, and there were maybe 3 mugs and 2 plates in the sink? Yea totally a big mess. Oh I left the iced tea mix out (I like to make it by the glass) so I wouldn't have to keep taking it in and out of the cupboard everytime I wanted to make a glass. OH THE HORROR! I mean seriously, the guy is crazy! Then, like 10 minutes later..."HE" acts like nothing ever happened and expects us to be all happy and cheery at the dinner table. And "HE" can't understand why none of us wanted to eat and just picked at our food what little bit we took on our plates.

I really can't take it much more, if at all. I feel like I'm trapped in a cage. "HE" controls everything...finances, where we go, what we can buy...everything. We can't go anywhere or do anything unless "HE'S" interested or it benefits "HIM" in someway. "HE'S" alienated me from any friends I've had and my entire family. (not that I felt part of my family to begin with, but at least they used to talk to me). I don't have the 4,000 it will approximately cost to hire the lawyer. I don't think I'll make it sanely through the next 10 months or so if the cards were right.

Goddess help me!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Wishcast Wednesday-Know

Another Wednesday, another wish. Today Jamie asks "What do you wish to know?"

I could go anywhere with this, at first I thought it was an easy question, but then the more I think about it the harder I realize it is.

Some things I wish to know are:
What is my path in life? Who am I, who is the real me?
Will my beloved and I ever be together and be happy?
Will "HE" ever let me go?
I want to know how to read the tarot and how to do birth chart and understand
all there is to the placement of things in the chart.
I want to know if I could have done more for my grandmother. When she died a part of me died too, was it a good thing or was it the best part of me and is gone forever?
I want to know where my muse is, will I ever write a story and be successful with it.
I want to know if Avalon is real.
I want to know if I have ever had a past life in England, Ireland or Scotland.
I want to know why I feel so drawn to these places and their ways of old.

What about you? What do you wish to know?