Wednesday, April 24, 2013

How Do You Say Good-bye When You Can't Be There?

My heart is aching once again. 

Sunday morning, my youngest called in tears "Are you okay Mom?"  My heart stopped, I told her I was fine and asked her what was wrong.  She asked if I knew or if I had been online yet.  I told her no to both, and then she told me my Uncle died.  I froze!  My heart dropped and I cried a cry from deep within.  It wasn't supposed to be this way.

I rushed over to my computer and pulled up my Facebook page and there was the message from my cousin telling me ever so briefly that her dad had passed away shortly after midnight.  I didn't know he had taken a turn for the worse.  I didn't know that the cancer had spread.  I hadn't heard anything in the last six months, so like always I figured no news was good news.  I guess I was wrong.

He had been battling prostate cancer for a couple of years.  It had gone into remission a few years ago, but as I understand it came back about 2 years ago.  My cousin said that 2 months ago it spread to his bladder and from there it all went down hill fast.

My heart aches for her, I know what it is to lose your dad and to lose your loved one to cancer.  My heart aches for my Aunt who lost her best friend, her husband, her high school sweetheart.  My heart aches that I can't be there with them, to lend them my shoulder to cry on.  To hold them close and tell them it will be okay, someday.  My heart aches that I can't be there to say good-bye to him.

I don't know how to say good-bye.  I don't know how to honor him on my own as a solitary.  I don't know rituals or spells.  I don't know what to do.  All this just leaves me feeling so helpless.

Please send love and strength to my cousin, her brother and my aunt (their mother) as they go through this difficult time.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Spring Is Here!

Bet you weren't expecting two posts in one day from me now where you?  *grins*

It's Spring!  The apricot tree is blossoming like crazy and is covered in honey bees.  The seeds are sprouting, the farmers are planting, and my allergies are in full swing.  Yep Spring is here finally.  Hello warm days and cool nights.  Hello to soon being able to sleep with the window open and fall asleep to the sounds of the night animals.

There's something about Spring that makes one want to start anew.  At first I looked at all the things I wanted to do, to start, to accomplish at the beginning of the year and was getting down on myself for not having done much if any thing.  But then I told myself to knock it off, and I can start my year anytime I damn well please!  January 1st is just a day on the calendar, it doesn't have to be when I start a new year.  I can be fiscal if I want to damn it!

That being said, I'm excited that 21 Secrets has started...and O.M.G.!!!  I won a spot!!  This will be my first time taking classes in 21 Secrets with so many fabulous artists and teachers.

Also today starts CampNaNoWriMo.  It's like NaNo but not.  This time around you can set your own word count goal.  I've seen some set at 25k, others at 50k.  I set mine at 30k simply because it's easy to calculate that I would need 1,000 words a day to win.  We're 14 hours in and I've not started one word outside of these two blog posts.  But that's okay.  I'm not fretting yet.  I'm being a panster, I have no idea what I'm going to write.  I see a lot of people are doing fan fiction, screenplays, short stories, etc.   I kind of think mine is somewhere between a fan fiction and original work.  My setting I think might be the Ruins of Lordaeron.  But, in my mind it's expanded somewhat from what one might know of it.

So here's to starting anew. 

2013 Hasn't Had A Great Start

Honestly, in a lot of ways it's been down right awful!!!  Which is part of the reason I've been so quiet.

A family friend lost her 6 month old granddaughter to SIDS at the end of January.  We had to put down our Saint Bernard after she fell and broke her leg due to bone cancer.  We had to put down our 16 year old cat Batman due to gastro-intestinal cancer.  Those two happened like a month apart!  We found out that at least 2 of our cats have feline leukemia, and that there is a possibility that our 4 youngest can get it. 

Sister #3's fiancee's brother died from a sinus infection that migrated to the brain at the age of 38.  A couple of weeks later the fiancee's uncle was in a 4 wheeling accident and just last week his cousin was burning ditches and got burned ( I don't know how badly, except that he was life flighted).  Sister #2's boyfriend's family has also had a couple of things happen to them as well. 

Dad's truck keeps breaking down, even right after it has been in the shop and they won't give him a new one for some reason.  This makes for lost loads and time sitting and waiting. 

And most recently, my dear friend Sage lost her Dad to cancer.  My heart aches for her.

So the first three months have kind of sucked royally!!   And 2013 I've had quite enough of all this suckage.  You really need to turn your shit around!  OKAY!   No, I mean seriously...enough loss and catastrophe already!  It's time for good things to start happening!  I mean it 2013...NO...MORE...SUCKING!!!

RIP: Mia, Lilly, Batman, S.N., and Mr. B.