Monday, November 12, 2012

I Am...A Procrastinator, and I'm not Proud

My number one problem is I'm a procrastinator.  No IFS, ANDS, or BUTS about it.  And it sucks!  I really need to pull my shit together.

I have sparks of ideas, some that I think are really good sometimes.  Then the "gremlins" chime in.  And the more I think about my ideas and how to bring them to action, the louder these bastards get.  Next thing I know I'm putting off my ideas and then not following through on them.   It's the same with art and writing.  It's absolutely frustrating! 

Then I see other people's art like Danni's or Effy's or Connie's and go through the whole I'm not as good as they are phase.  Or I hear about people doing NaNoWriMo that are at 10k, 25k, even 40k words and I'm still sitting at a whopping 3004.

I love to cook, but I'm afraid to cook because I fear they won't like what I fix.  I'm scared to bake anything that doesn't come out of a box mix just because I've never really done anything from scratch.

I'd love to go back to school, but I don't know what direction to take.  It's not feasible to get a job right now due to transportation issues, unless I can find some sort of work at home deal.  The same with school, I'd need to find some online schooling that I could get financial aide for.

I just don't know what direction I want to take with my life.  I want to do something meaningful.  I want what I do to have significance.  I want what I do to make a difference, not just in my life but in other people's lives as well.  I want to do something I can be proud of.   I just don't know what to do.