Thursday, October 31, 2013

One Hour Till NaNo

Just as I suspected, expected, anticipated?   NaNo is about an hour away from kick off and I don't know if I'm feeling it.  I've been wondering why that is.  Why do I have all this excitement and drive let's say leading up to it?  Then, when it's almost time or it is time, it starts to fade away.

I think I may have actually figured out part of that.  November 1st is my Grandma's birthday.  She would have been 93 this year.  November is also the month of her passing.  And I miss her so much!   And it hurts not to have her here.  Earlier in October we celebrated my Beloved's grandmother's 93rd birthday.  I've come to love her and am very fond of her.  But there is that part of me that aches knowing my own Gram's isn't around to celebrate her day anymore.  I miss our day of going out and celebrating our birthdays together.  (My own was just a couple of days ago.  So we would always go out and celebrate ours together.)  I think it's the missing her that starts to take over and everything slips away.

I know she wouldn't want me to not do something because of her.  I need to find a way past this, so that I can write...especially in November.  I had a dream of her a few days ago.  It was very vague, I don't remember much of it at all other than she didn't seem too happy.  But the whole dream, of what I do remember, was very strange and made no sense at all.

It is now 11:11 PM.  It is my wish that I have a successful NaNoWriMo.  And I wish all of you participating have much success as well.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Winter is Coming, And So Is NaNo

The weather is turning colder and colder.  Far colder this year so far as I can recall.  We've already had temps down into the 30s at night, with frost.  Starting next week, on Tuesday we can expect night time temps into the fact Tuesday night is supposed to go down to 22!!  I'm starting to think there's some truth to the Wooley Bear Caterpillar!  Mom's seen 3 of them so far in the last month.  I saw my first yesterday, and it only had a thin band of reddish-brown around it's middle.  According the almanac's and old-wives tales, the thinner the band the harder the winter.  If these early low temps are an indication, I don't know what to expect for the next few months.  Does that mean we have lots of snow coming?  Just very cold temps?  So according to this cute fuzzy caterpillar...Winter is Coming!!

And next week, so is NaNo.  Five days until insanity ensues.  I'm happy that the voices in my head are tossing things out at me left and right.  I'm trying to keep things written down.  I have characters from my old, original NaNo project begging to be put in this one.  I have the character from that collaborative exercise demanding to be included as well.  It could all work out really well, it totally could.  I so can't wait to get started, it's so hard to not start right now!  In my attempts to not forget ideas and writing them down, I end up instead writing 2-4 pages of stuff.  Crappy stuff, lacking all the details and scene description but still....and it makes me want to keep going and not stop.  It worries me that come the stroke of midnight and the calendar turns to November everything will stop just like it has before.  I don't dwell on the daily word count part too much, more that I want to reach the finish line.  I don't know what it is that makes me freeze up, that makes the voices grow silent, that makes my Muse disappear.

I was thinking about making an altar to Cerridwen.  The Goddess of writers, crafters, artists.  She was the first Goddess to ever call to me.  I don't know what I would put on an altar to her.  Maybe it would help, maybe not.

I just want to be able to write and be good at it.  I just want to win a NaNo even if it's all total shit and not written in an organized manner. 

Thursday, October 10, 2013

NaNoWriMo Is Coming!!!

Screw it!  I can't do the NaBloWriMo!  I've been feeling like shit on and off for the last couple weeks.  From feeling like I'm trying to fight off a cold, to my allergies set off by the on going harvests in the surrounding fields, to a couple asthma attacks (nothing serious, thankfully), and lastly left shoulder and right hand having pain and exhibiting symptoms of arthritis.  I'm too young for this shit!  Arthritis? SERIOUSLY!  The weather's turned fall like very quickly.  And the cooler temps have really kicked up the achy-ness. 

So instead of doing the blog wrimo, I'm getting ready for NaNo which starts on November 1st.  This year is the 8th year I will attempt to write 50,000 words in 30 days.  I'm also going to try and participate in 3 Books in 3 Months.  The goal is to write 3 short stories, flash fiction, or books in 3 months.  It started a couple of days ago.  I don't know what direction to take.  I figure I'd have November covered with NaNo.  But this month and December, I'm a bit stumped.  I'm still not sure what to work on for NaNo either. 

I spent the afternoon going through the forums for adoptable ideas.  I found a few that would work with at least one of the plots rolling around in my head.  I really need to make this happen!!! 

I wrote earlier on my wordpress blog, how I was reading some old emails between my long lost friend and I...the one that I was trying to the writing exercise with.  Now we're talking emails that are 4-6 years old!!!  It goes back to when we first talked about writing and doing that exercise, to when we started it over.  My GODS!  I sounded so pathetic!   Somehow reading what I was feeling at the time, all the bullshit of how god awful I am really hit me. 

Not only did I read in those emails how good at writing he thought I was, but they also included me telling him about how my Beloved thought I was good at it.  Which then reminded me of the one time I got the courage to share a piece to be critiqued by someone in a Fantasy Writing Yahoo group.  And they too thought I was good, that I just needed to work on my "voice" and that I needed to do more showing instead of telling.  So in the span of a couple of years, I had three different people tell me I was good.  Yet I still let those damn gremlins tell me how much I suck!!!  WTF is wrong with me?  I mean seriously!  SHIT!  Wake the fuck up girlfriend!!!  Another thing he told me was basically if I let the fear and doubt take control it will destroy my creativity.  And ya know what?  He's right!

Now does that mean the gremlins will STFU?  Probably not!  Will they be yapping away in the back of my head....kind of like they are right now?  Hell yeah of course they will be.   Will I listen?  I'm gonna sure as hell try not too. 

Well I know nothing at all about writing short stories or flash fiction, but I'm gonna learn and try my hand at it.  I'm going to give NaNo my best effort next month!!!  I'd say failure is not an option, but shit happens.  No, I'm not setting myself up to fail already or saying I will, but what I am going to do to is try my damnedest to write those 50,000 words next month!!!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The Intent Is There, NaBloWriMo Day 2

It is, it really is.  It's all up here in my head.  All these different things I think about posting about or not posting about :D

Then there's the stuff I should be writing for 2PAD challenge, of which I have fallen behind...again.  I could list my excuses like the weather's been changing, the farms around here have been harvesting so that's got my allergies flaring up, or they just flare up in general, I kept feeling like I was trying to fight off a cold, and I could go on and on how all that was/is affecting me.  But then I ask myself, What about the rest of the day?  There are plenty of hours between waking and sleeping to do the writing/posting/etc you want to do.  

The thing is (maybe this is in my head, I dunno) ever since I started actually writing back in uh 2005 or so, I always seemed to have gotten the most done at night after everyone was in bed.  That's when I would research and write, though I did a lot of research during the day too but still, most of the actual writing I did was late at night.

This month is National Blog Writing Month, 31 days - 31 posts.  I never got around to it yesterday, I really wasn't sure if I was going to try even to do it.  I still haven't really made up my mind.  I also need to think and prep for NaNo next month.  I was going through some of my earlier attempts at writing and NaNo.  And came across a couple of print outs that I had of a story/exercise I was doing with a friend.  We started one and after a few back and forth writing on it, he wanted to stop that one because things I was writing was getting too close to his novel plot ideas.  So we agreed to start over with something else.  And this time, things were getting too close to some ideas I had for a plot.  Now here's my dilemma on this....we've lost touch.  He got "too busy" with his life/job/wife to keep up our exercise or our friendship.  Okay fine, whatever.  I'd really like to use these for one of my stories at some point.  Can I use all of it, his and mine or just mine?  I have to rework some of what I wrote, but like he wrote out what one of the characters looked like and she is very close in description to what I had in mind except for a couple of minor details.  There isn't enough of what we did together to even probably make up a full chapter.  (what we did was I'd write as much as I could come up with, then he'd take up where I left off, then it was my turn to pick it up again.  we did that on both exercises.  the intent was to get us writing and our creative juices flowing.) 

It really sucks sometimes having all these plot ideas in my head and no idea who to get them on paper and molded into a complete and readable story.