Just as I suspected, expected, anticipated? NaNo is about an hour away from kick off and I don't know if I'm feeling it. I've been wondering why that is. Why do I have all this excitement and drive let's say leading up to it? Then, when it's almost time or it is time, it starts to fade away.
I think I may have actually figured out part of that. November 1st is my Grandma's birthday. She would have been 93 this year. November is also the month of her passing. And I miss her so much! And it hurts not to have her here. Earlier in October we celebrated my Beloved's grandmother's 93rd birthday. I've come to love her and am very fond of her. But there is that part of me that aches knowing my own Gram's isn't around to celebrate her day anymore. I miss our day of going out and celebrating our birthdays together. (My own was just a couple of days ago. So we would always go out and celebrate ours together.) I think it's the missing her that starts to take over and everything slips away.
I know she wouldn't want me to not do something because of her. I need to find a way past this, so that I can write...especially in November. I had a dream of her a few days ago. It was very vague, I don't remember much of it at all other than she didn't seem too happy. But the whole dream, of what I do remember, was very strange and made no sense at all.
It is now 11:11 PM. It is my wish that I have a successful NaNoWriMo. And I wish all of you participating have much success as well.