Monday, July 16, 2018

Practice, Practice, Practice

So I was lucky enough to finish up watching the Woman Unleashed video sessions that I was drawn to or interested in. 

As I mentioned yesterday, I came away with quite a few nuggets of wisdom. One of the last ones I watched today was the one with Dr. Kellee. It was another one of those that the topic got changed at the last moment so it didn't match the title. I almost didn't watch it because I thought it was going to be on weight loss and such. But then I saw some ladies posting about it, so I watched it and I'm glad I did. While it did touch on weight loss, the principles she talked about can (I think) be applied in many areas of life.

One of the things I came away with from that one was committing to 3 doable daily steps.  I have to figure out what those might be and then start to practice them.

And there is the magic word.  PRACTICE!

I do some of these sessions, whether is the ones from Woman Unleashed or some other online retreat/seminar/class/etc.  I get fired up about this or that.  I'm super excited in the moment.  I might even do it for a day or two, a week maybe. And then...............nothing. It's not that the message or practice doesn't resonate with me still, because most often it does. It's just I seem to let every thing and every one stop me from doing it. 

Whether it's that I just procrastinate until the day is done and over, or I let little comments get in my head and discourage me.  Or, it's myself and the gremlins of fear and doubt that creep in and stop me.

I'm so tired of that merry go round.  Ya know.  It's like a broken record as my mother used to say.  I want to get off that ride.  I want to live to the beat of a different drum, song. 

I want to live a creative life, an intentional life.  I just don't know how to get from the wanting to the doing, daily.  I don't want the Winter Solstice to come around and the next Woman Unleashed retreat is starting and I'm right back to where I am now.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Sunday Summary

The weekend is coming to a close and so is Woman Unleashed.  I've spent the last couple of days working through some of the workshops I wanted to view.

A particular favorite as always was Our Lady of Self Blessing with Shiloh Sophia.  I did a early draft of one in my art pad with markers.  But I think I might go bigger and do it up proper with paint.

Next favorite, Lollipop Girl Mermaid with Tam from Willowing.  Tam is one of the artists I first discovered 10 years ago.  I've attempted a few of her classes.  I "did" Lifebook in I want to say 2012? All the classes and pdf's are on my other hard drive. I really need to work on popping it into my current PC so that I can work through them. 

Writing Spirit with Lynn Andrews and Intuitive Writing with Shereen Sun were both very informative.  Loved Lisa Marie's session.

Okay, let me be real here.  I don't think that there was one session that I viewed that I didn't enjoy.

Some take away nuggets:

  • The magic is on the other side of fear.
  • Be present in the journey.
  • Thank you fire for burning off what no longer serves me.
  • Self blessing is a form of cultivating the sacred within our own life.
  • Your Presence On This Earth Is INTENTIONAL And ON PURPOSE.
  • Everyone has a book inside of them.
  • We speak most clearly when we are passionate about something.
  • The time of the lone wolf is over.
I'm sure there is more.  Some that I missed because I couldn't write it all down.  Some that I didn't watch.  

The next session of Woman Unleashed will be in the Winter.  Totally worth checking out!!!

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Thursday's Thoughts

So, I am finally making time to work through the offerings of Woman Unleashed today.  I have until Sunday to do all the ones I care to partake in.  And the one I watched this afternoon was pretty powerful.

I've been feeling a bit like a lone wolf as of late. I have no family, no friends around to speak of.  Some people I connected with via blogs have fade into the background that is life.  And that's okay, friendships can ebb and flow like that. We all have shit going on in our lives that distract us from connecting.

But I have been thinking about how I have never really been part of a big group of friends. I've had a few small connections here and there. But eventually time lead us apart.  And even those I have reconnected with thanks to Facebook, the closeness that may have once been there isn't the same. Things are mostly happy birthdays and an occasional comment on a post here and there.  There is no deep connections or conversations. 

When I left Brooklyn, I never thought about how I was leaving my people behind.  I blindly jumped on what I thought was going to be a good thing, even though just a year earlier I got a preview that it wasn't going to be.  But I ignored the warning signs, ignored my gut, my intuition and we moved to Florida.  I was alone. I struggled more to fit in than when I was in high school.  I made no real friends in Florida.  And was happy to move to Georgia.

But, then guess what.  It was no different one state over.  Save that I did make at least one friend.  She helped me to get out when I was ready by driving me to the airport and helping me get my stuff to the pack and ship.

Now here I am in a new state, 2200 miles away.  I still have no friends.  No kindreds that I can go out to coffee with or share thoughts and ideas with.  I have the people around me, and I have bonded with Momma T.

Yet I am still alone. And I was thinking about how I was a lone wolf.  I was thinking how maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be.  Maybe yes, maybe no.  I really don't have any answers.

But the workshop today was on the Flower of Life and taught by Lou Reed. No, not the singer. Each petal represented a segment of your life. One for basic needs, one for safety, and so on. She explained more in depth what each might include.  Then on a scale of 1-10 we were to color in where we felt we were at this point on each petal. I have to say my flower doesn't have a lot of color.

Then towards the end of the session, she says "The time of the lone wolf is over." And I paused, thinking oh what...wait.  Rewind. Too far back. It took me several tries to find the right time code on the video. I had to hear that again.  "The time of the lone wolf is over."  WOW!

So maybe I'm not meant to be a lone wolf after all. Because those words hit me good. But then, where is my pack?  How do I find them?  How do they find me? 

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Weekend Wrap

My aunt messaged me today to tell me one of my cousin's husbands died yesterday.  I feel bad for her. As a nurse, it seems she is going through the "if only I was home" scenarios and syndrome.  It was sudden, he wasn't ill.  All the cousins my age, their kids are now graduating high school and some even older have enlisted or have gotten married and have their own kids.  It's so crazy to think of them as grandparents!

The conversation has turned to things in the neighborhood.  How much it has changed.  How the hipsters are moving in and pushing all the old timers out.  My other aunt recently had to vacate her apartment of probably over 50 years because it got sold for over a million dollars.  Now her old apartment is renting for $4000!  It was not a big apartment to begin with, no way it is worth that amount of money!  My aunt said I wouldn't recognize Greenpoint anymore if I came back.  Judging by pictures I have seen on Facebook or Instagram, I'd say she is right.  The only thing that hasn't changed are the two big churches, St. Stan's and St. Anthony's.  I guess I'll just hold on to the memories then.

I've been trying to take it a little easy today.  I had a weekend of free art classes to watch. But then I found out, each day's sessions were only up for 24 hours.  I had planned on watching a couple of those today, but now I can't.  Oh well.  I have the Women Unleashed retreat stuff I have to work through this week as well before they disappear.  This is the downside of not having had my computer for almost a month.

Tomorrow is supposed to be at least 102? I think that's what I saw last.  New thing....swelling in my feet and ankles.  Which then makes my feet feel like tingles or pins and needles by more mild.   Last night my ankles were also warm and light red.  I've had the swelling and tingles before when I lived in Georgia.  Usually if I've had it here, it was in conjunction with my cycles in the summer.  So this is kinda new for me.  But everything I have read so far is saying it's heat related, and I am not surprised.  I have a feeling that it's fibro related as well (if I do have it that is).  I might as well just say I do, it's how I feel but I'm no doctor. 

It's almost 7, probably should have some dinner but no one really wants to cook.  Maybe I'll just have a salad or finish some leftovers off.

Stay cool this week!

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Quote For Today

I saw this quote come across my Instagram or Facebook feed the other day. Which feed is irrelevant really.  It's the quote that struck me and has been stuck in my head since.  I haven't watched the documentary yet on Netflix, but it's on my "to watch" list.

(Image found on Google)

I mean, how can you not love this quote. Especially if you have been through so really tough shit.

Have a great Saturday!

Friday, July 6, 2018

Today Was Better

It was a bit more tolerable today.  Not as hot, but still hot. We had some cloud cover come in that was left over from Fabio. But looking at next week....HO BOY!  Five days of  triple digits.  Not looking forward to that at all.

My sensitivity to yesterday's excessive heat did not go unnoticed.  I really need to figure out how to deal with next week's weather.  It might just be a week of bed days for all I know or Momma T and I will be spending the days in the fifth wheel that has A/C and nights in the house when it's cooler.  Unless stuff changes and it ends up not being bad at all.

Slowly, slowly the house is coming back together.  With Momma T hurting her back and me with all my pains, we can only do bits at a time.  One room took all day.  The kitchen counters are still acting as the catch all for stuff to be moved or put away.  Tomorrow is probably going to be  get the living room back to some sense of normal.

We also have to repaint at least half the room because of some issues with the paint and the color. But we can't do that in this weather.  There's another wall we've been wanting to redo since we painted two years ago.  Now, we'll have the opportunity to do that too. BUT...only when the weather/season changes. 

Most of the things that are needing done are just little things, just tedious really.  And the dust!  Dry wall dust is everywhere and on every thing.  It's so gross!  There is so much on the screen door that if you tap the screen, a cloud of dust comes off it and your hand is just covered in it. 

I'm sure when we are all done, my body is going to flare and give out on me.  I'm hoping it won't or at least not be bad.  But only time will tell.

Hoping we can sneak off to the Lavender Festival for a bit this weekend.  I've always wanted to go to one since I discovered that was a thing.  Missed the one last weekend.  So fingers crossed.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

It's Too Dang HOT!

I can remember back to when I was a kid and the heat barely phased me.  I could run around outside like a maniac and get beet red and sweaty, not bat an eye.  Now....pfft!  I can't handle anything over 90 it seems.  Over 85 anymore seems to be pushing it.  Temperature sensitivity, guess I can add that to the list of things. 

Seriously though, it was triple digits at some point today.  Mom got nifty gadget for her birthday that reads the temp outside and inside.  There was a moment where it was reading 114!!!!!  I called it a liar LOL.  Inside the house, it feels swamp like. We don't have A/C, just fans and a cooler that you fill with water and it makes the air a little colder than just with a fan.  It's actually cooler outside right now at 10:35 PM than it is in the house.  I stepped out there for a few minutes but the mosquitoes were all "Hey Ya'll, a buffet." And since they find West Nile in the neighboring town, I didn't feel like getting eaten alive.  I got enough going on, don't need that too.

So for the next 10 - 14 days it's going to be hotter than Satan's butt crack out there.  So much to do outside, but to hot to do it.  Same goes for inside.  Can only do so much before you feel like you're going to end up in a puddle.

To make matters worse, there's a wildfire down in Nevada and the smoke is coming up into Idaho. There's a map on the NWS - Boise that shows the line of smoke coming in.  Looking out the back door you can see just hanging there over the house.  It's ugly!  Add to that the smoke from the fire in town at the onion shed.  That was scary to see that smoke because it looked like it was just over the hill. 

This is the third time they are losing the building.  Few years ago, 3 maybe? The original building was set on fire and destroyed by some teens.  During the construction of the new building, it partially collapsed under all the snow we got 2 years ago.  Now....this.  Contrary to popular belief, Idaho isn't just about potatoes.  Onions are a big crop out here.  Other things grown around here are sugar beets, mint, dill, corn for silage, and hops.  One year, there was a crop of mini corn stalks, I mean not more than 3 feet tall I'd say.  And at the end of each row as a pop corn bag.  So I guess that there is a specific type of corn grown just for popcorn.  I wish I had taken pictures of it!

Well, going to try and sleep tonight. But it almost seems futile between the heat and the pain.