Wednesday, April 24, 2013

How Do You Say Good-bye When You Can't Be There?

My heart is aching once again. 

Sunday morning, my youngest called in tears "Are you okay Mom?"  My heart stopped, I told her I was fine and asked her what was wrong.  She asked if I knew or if I had been online yet.  I told her no to both, and then she told me my Uncle died.  I froze!  My heart dropped and I cried a cry from deep within.  It wasn't supposed to be this way.

I rushed over to my computer and pulled up my Facebook page and there was the message from my cousin telling me ever so briefly that her dad had passed away shortly after midnight.  I didn't know he had taken a turn for the worse.  I didn't know that the cancer had spread.  I hadn't heard anything in the last six months, so like always I figured no news was good news.  I guess I was wrong.

He had been battling prostate cancer for a couple of years.  It had gone into remission a few years ago, but as I understand it came back about 2 years ago.  My cousin said that 2 months ago it spread to his bladder and from there it all went down hill fast.

My heart aches for her, I know what it is to lose your dad and to lose your loved one to cancer.  My heart aches for my Aunt who lost her best friend, her husband, her high school sweetheart.  My heart aches that I can't be there with them, to lend them my shoulder to cry on.  To hold them close and tell them it will be okay, someday.  My heart aches that I can't be there to say good-bye to him.

I don't know how to say good-bye.  I don't know how to honor him on my own as a solitary.  I don't know rituals or spells.  I don't know what to do.  All this just leaves me feeling so helpless.

Please send love and strength to my cousin, her brother and my aunt (their mother) as they go through this difficult time.

1 comment:

  1. ...oh mine dearest Ellie ~ i send thee much heart hugs ~ there are no words for to comfort ~ yet words is all i can give thee...
    ...whilst i cannot be there physically ~ knowest mine kindred sister ~ that those sleeping souls ~ still shine forth their treasure trove of memories for thee ~ nurture them ~ find another section in thine heart garden ~ and plant thine word songs of love there ~ blessed be dear beautiful gentle sister...