These last couple of weeks, maybe the last month even, I've been feeling unsettled. Like I'm balanced on the edge of a blade, sort of like I'm walking on eggshells. Things have felt out of sorts, I've been tired and not from lack of sleep, feeling like I'm waiting for something to happen...like waiting for the other shoe to drop. The anticipation doesn't feel good, it's awoken a fear in me that seems to be plunging me into a darkness that I can't find my way out of. I don't know where or what all of the fear is relating too. I know much of it is between me and my beloved, that he won't be able to come here, that we won't be able to be together, the distance is overwhelming me more than ever. The other part is the enormous fear that I won't be able to leave "HIM" if/when the time comes. Or that "HE'D" do something to keep me from leaving.
I've been reading some different sites/blogs that have been talking about this upcoming eclipse and it seems to be the cause of the increase or heightening of my fear(s). They may be unwarranted, I don't know, but if the build up to and the eclipse itself is the cause of the way I'm feeling it would make sense.
I was reading through some yahoo group mails I get and a link to a blog with a post about the eclipse was in one of the emails. So blog addict that I am, I went over to check out what Harmony had to say. It was all rather interesting and seemed to be along the lines of what others had to say. But what I found most interesting was my horoscope for this week. This is what Harmony posted:
scorpio- week of 6/21-6/27
the cardinal grand cross that is building up is set to activate your cadent houses of transition, transformation and endings. major activations and shifts in your communication, work and service, beliefs and connection to Higher Self, and spiritual path and connection to the Unconscious are set to happen over the coming months. on monday as the sun moves into cancer (marking the summer solstice) and your 9th house of spiritual and philosophical beliefs you can expect the major changes in your life to open you up to new ways of viewing the world and your part in it. on saturday the lunar eclipse falls in your 3rd house of communication marking poignant endings and new beginnings when it comes to how you communicate (teaching, speaking, writing) and how you relate to your immediate environment. with your ruler pluto conjunct this eclipse transformation is the name of the game. releasing old ways of communicating that may have been based on holding back your Truth, stonewalling or defensiveness is key in order to open up to new ways of connecting and communicating with those around you. this week things really get cooking but it takes all summer for things to truly unfold. as a scorpio you are no stranger to going through massive transitions of death and rebirth which empower you and enable you to rise above the ashes (like the phoenix- a symbol for your sign). this summer you are able to go through a powerful transition in many areas of your life- you just have to embrace it fearlessly and move through the fire. just do it!
The things I set in bold are what really jumped out at me. My Muse does seem to be stirring, though I don't know with what yet but I can sort of feel like we may be on the verge of reconnecting. I've also been feeling like I need to really start to study more and seek my path, whatever that might be, not these half assed attempts I've been doing. And the Phoenix, I've never thought to associate it with Scorpio, but I love the Phoenix.
I know things are going to change. And I could end up losing every thing I have (materially) again. It would devastate me if I did lose my personal things, but even if that happens I know I can rise up from that and move forward however difficult that maybe be.
I don't know what this eclipse and the upcoming solar on July 11th will bring, but we shall see.