Friday, June 4, 2010

Just how much more do I have to take?

Well, "HE'S" at it again. And I don't know just how much more I can take. I don't have the money to leave, I don't have a place to go. I can't go to a shelter and leave everything I own behind, and then have to be cut off from people I'm close to so "HE" can't track me down. Yes, I've looked into the whole shelter means no cellphone, no computer, least not while I'm on the premises. But using it off site, means "HE" could use the GPS to track me.

This time, I don't know what really set "HIM" off. "HE" came in all pissed off, started ranting about the trash not being picked's not my fault that the company screwed up. When I stood up to "HIM" that "HE" needed to stop taking it out on us it wasn't our fault..."HE" yells "I'm not.", slams out of the room, comes back yells some more about something, slams out, comes back a third time and starts ranting that "HE'S" really pissed that the kitchen is a mess and that we expect "HIM" to clean it up and how "HE" just worked a full day...blah blah blah.

Mind you my daughter had just made some pasta for us about a half hour earlier, which we hadn't yet finished eating there was still some in the pot, and there were maybe 3 mugs and 2 plates in the sink? Yea totally a big mess. Oh I left the iced tea mix out (I like to make it by the glass) so I wouldn't have to keep taking it in and out of the cupboard everytime I wanted to make a glass. OH THE HORROR! I mean seriously, the guy is crazy! Then, like 10 minutes later..."HE" acts like nothing ever happened and expects us to be all happy and cheery at the dinner table. And "HE" can't understand why none of us wanted to eat and just picked at our food what little bit we took on our plates.

I really can't take it much more, if at all. I feel like I'm trapped in a cage. "HE" controls everything...finances, where we go, what we can buy...everything. We can't go anywhere or do anything unless "HE'S" interested or it benefits "HIM" in someway. "HE'S" alienated me from any friends I've had and my entire family. (not that I felt part of my family to begin with, but at least they used to talk to me). I don't have the 4,000 it will approximately cost to hire the lawyer. I don't think I'll make it sanely through the next 10 months or so if the cards were right.

Goddess help me!


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  2. I'm speechless but I wanted you to know that your words have been heard . . . sending my thoughts, love, and energy your way to help you through.

  3. Sounds familiar hun i am sending my thoughts and wishes to you and your girls. x x x

  4. Thank you Crystal and Moonwolf for your thoughts and wishes.