Thursday, March 24, 2011

Taking Another Step

So yesterday, after staring at the number once I entered it in my cell phone for like an hour, I called the local women's shelter and spoke to an advocate. She is encouraging me to come in and speak to her and a colleague further. She understands my reasons for trying to avoid going to the shelter right now.

She told me every little thing, no matter if it's the silent treatment with the dirty looks, or the full blown being shouted at...whether it's everyday, once a week, or once a month...everything he does down to controlling if or when I can go to the store is all abuse. That really is a hard pill to swallow. She's suggested group counseling but the one she's recommending is at least a 15 minute car ride from me and there is NO WAY in hell the Ogre will take me there. On a Monday night no less.

The other good news though is that they have several lawyers they work with and chances are good they can find one to take me on pro bono. Also more good news is after all that is done, they can help me get out of state. Now, once I'm out there, I don't know what will happen. It's a bit too far ahead to see or plan out. I don't know if they can help get any public assistance applications or housing applications going for me, or they could set me up with a shelter to go to for a little bit.

I need to take this one step at a time. I need to figure out all that I want or need to take. I still have some papers I need to pull together that the lawyer might need. I need to figure out what I will do once he is served with the divorce papers. Is there someone I can stay with or will I have to actually resort to going to a shelter for that time until the divorce is finalized? Still a lot of unanswered questions. If I go to the shelter they can ensure my safety just in case, and make sure I make any and all court appearances. She's even suggesting I consider filing for a TPO. It's a long shot to get a judge to approve since the Ogre hasn't physically or verbally threatened to do me or the girls harm. It would make the Ogre have to leave the house, and I don't know what kind of repercussions this could have later. Yes I know it's there to protect me and the girls if I got one. But outside of the Ogre's threats to have me declared unfit...I am not sure I have a chance or reason to get one.

I also told her about how the Ogre kept telling me at one point I was depressed and that I needed to see a therapist or go to the doctor for medication. She said the Ogre was definitely looking to twist things to make me look or seem crazy and/or in need of meds to use against me later on. Seems to be a classic sign among abusers, one among many.

Anyway, this is where I'm at right now. I will probably go up to see her on Monday since it's walking distance for me to get to. It's all very overwhelming and I just feel like such an emotional wad of tears. Missing my Beloved and my heart aching over us only adds to the desire to sit myself in a corner and just cry until I can't anymore. I guess you could say I'm a crier, it's how I try to get through the emotions like a release. It's part of who I am it seems.


  1. I am so very proud of you for making that phone call. It's something I could never do when I was stuck in a similar relationship. I hope you can get things sorted out and organized so it's not so scary anymore.
    A good cry can definitely be a perfect way to release and step away from the emotions for a while.

  2. This was an important first step. I think you are being wise to take this one step at a time. I just jumped into it and really had to struggle. Cry all you want, my friend. It is so healing.

  3. This is a fantastic series of first steps. I'm so proud of your courage. I know how hard this is. I remember coming to the realization that the non-physical stuff was just as abusive as the physical stuff, and the rage I felt at being so thoroughly mistreated was incredibly overwhelming. We can turn on ourselves when this information comes into our awareness - we can start telling ourselves stories about how *we* must also be abusive because we shoot dirty looks or apply the silent treatment. We have to remember that what we are doing is in response to a crazymaking abusive situation. If we were being treated well, we would *never* behave that way. <3 Hang in there! I'm so glad you're keeping us posted.

  4. I am so glad you made that call, little steps are better than no steps at all. Yes, everything he is doing/saying is classic emotional abuse. People like that are master manipulators. Dont be shocked when you do finally leave that he plays victim. Thats what my ex did, so he wouldn't have to take any blame, and make it look like i was was the one in the wrong. By the way, there is absolutely nothing wring with therapy at all. I should have gone into it a long time ago myself and maybe I would have healed sooner, but as it is, im still pretty messed up inside from all the emotional abuse that I got and plan to get into therapy as soon as I can, even though we cant afford it. Your in my thoughts as I went through a lot of that too. *hugs*