So, BIG starts on Sunday. I'm really nervous and excited at the same time. I really don't know what to expect from this whole thing. It was just one of those things that the more I heard about it, the more I felt like I just had to take this workshop. I'm not an artist by any means...well I don't see myself as one. I am still learning a lot about drawing faces and whimsy characters in my art journal. I am still learning how to use my watercolor crayons and paints. And I am scared shit of acrylics...but guess what we're using for BIG...yep acrylics! I feel like such a noob and there's a part of me going what the fuck are you thinking? You can't paint, let alone paint big...you're nuts!
Well maybe I am! I've been in this fucked up marriage long enough and verbally/emotionally abused long enough that I swear I have a case of the crazies.
Some where along the road, I lost the ability to trust and believe in myself...to trust my intuition. To have faith in myself. And of all the things I read about BIG...it's all about getting in touch with your intuition, learning to trust yourself...to be FEARLESS. Maybe somewhere in these next 6 weeks, I will find myself in a place where I can be FEARLESS. Where I won't doubt myself and second guess all the time. Where I can trust myself as much as I trust my Beloved. Where the fears of what I am trying to accomplish won't seem so big and scary.
We shall see. But I know I am looking forward to BIG and to learning to paint FEARLESSly. I am looking forward to breaking free of the Ogre and living a happy, creative, big, fearless, juicy life. I can only hope that my Beloved will share this life I see for us with me, but only time will tell what will happen there.
But stay tuned because next week I will be blogging about my BIG adventure.