Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Answers to a Few Questions I Have Been Asked

Okay, phew...I never thought about some of these or I may have talked about them ages ago...I guess it's time for an update of sorts.

Do I have family or friends that can help?

None that would be willing to help as far as my family goes. And it's not that they can't, they just won't. It's how they are. They have their reasons most which hinge, I believe, on how my mother was/is. I can't fault them for that really.

As for friends, over the years "HE" has managed to isolate me from friends and family. So for the most part, there really isn't anyone I can ask for help. And of the friends I did have, we never had the kind of friendship where they'd have my back if I was in trouble. Most of the people I know here are "HIS" friends. And the one friend that I do have down here isn't in a position to help me.

I don't want to go back to NY where I am from. Mainly because it's expensive as fuck to live there. I have no one to stay with if I did. And I don't feel I would have the support system I needed as I went through the healing process. Where as if I went out to Idaho where my Beloved and his family are, I would be around people that care for me and love me and would support me through my healing process.

Is my Beloved and "HIM" the same person?

OH! Heavens no, LOL. "HIM" would be the ass I am married to and want to get the hell away from.

My Beloved is a wonderful, caring, smart, funny, talented, loving man. My Beloved is sensitive and gentle, strong, understanding...He is a really amazing guy! My Beloved is my soul mate and love of my life, the other half of my heart and soul.

Can I stay with my Beloved's family should I manage to get out there?

At the moment, I would have to say no. I haven't spoken to them about it right now. For a few reasons....1) They are having their own financial difficulty at the moment and I don't want to add to any burden. 2) I am still working on a plan to even get out of here, so I don't want to jump the gun and start asking things like that when I don't even have a foot out the door yet.

Some suggestions were made that maybe if they could let me stay for a short time, and I got food stamps and public assistance I could contribute in some way so that I am not causing more of a burden on them financially. Again, I don't know if that would be an option right now. I'm going to focus on fact finding right now. I will talk with my Beloved's Mom and with my Beloved and see what we can come up with.

When it rains, it things are very tight for everyone right now. So if I can make it out there, I want to have some sort of plan in place where I can either have a place to stay or if the possibility to stay with them for a short time is there, I want to know I can offer something in return.

Do I have a job, car, income of my own, etc?

At present, I do not have a job. I chose to stay home and homeschool my girls, then my Grandma came to live with us and we were blessed to have her for 5 years with us. The little money that was left after she passed away, "HE" blew through it because "HE" just had to have a new car after "HE" promised up and down to get a part time job to pay it off so that I'd have that money for an emergency.
If I got a job, I would have to rely on "HIM" to get me to and from. 1) I don't drive (go ahead laugh lol) 2) there is only one car.
and 3) IF I got a job right now, "HE" would expect me to put any and all money I get from working towards bills, mortgage, food, etc even though "HIS" income should be enough. income of my own. I am trying to figure out some ways I can make some money with out "HIM" knowing. Maybe some sort of work from home thing that isn't a scam. Getting my ass in gear and opening my Etsy shop. Selling off any jewelry, old homeschooling books, etc.

I've already told my Beloved, that once I am out there I am willing to do what ever I need to do even if it meant going back to work at Wendy's for a while. Yes I'd even go back to insurance but that would me classes and testing with money I should use for other things. But now that's jumping the gun, as I'm not even out there yet.

I hope this clears up a few things. I know I've been rambling a bit in my posts, but I have all this stuff in my head and I need to put them somewhere. And I really need all the support, encouragement, strength, positive thoughts, prayers, candles you name....that I can get for finding a way out, finding the means to do it, for my Beloved and I to find our way back. I love my Beloved with all my heart, I am doing this not just for myself, but for him and for us as well. It is time for me to do what's right for me, and my Beloved is what is right. Getting out of here and away from the Ogre is what is right. So if you all can do whatever it is you do, to help me get through this and find my answers and get out...I will love and appreciate it deeply.

Bright blessings to you all.

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