October 5 - Would I Do Anything Different?

October 5 - If I could do anything differently right now, what would it be?


YES!
NO!
MAYBE?
I don't fucking know!!!!

Seriously, I don't know.

As I was writing my Wordpress post, I though I knew the answer. 
The more I thought about it, the less sure I was of my answer.
Even now, I'm unsure.

I think well IF I didn't marry him, I would not have my kids.
Then I think, well IF they were meant to be born I would have had them
with who ever I married.
If I had stood my ground, followed my heart, maybe I'd have a degree. 
Maybe I'd be working in a different field from the ones I ended up in.
But then I think, well I wouldn't have had the joy of knowing some of the
people that came into my life.

But maybe if I stood my ground when I ended a relationship I wouldn't have
been held at gun point and knife point on two separated occasions. Maybe if I
stood up for myself, people wouldn't have treated me the way they did.

Maybe things happened for me to learn from.  I could have really gone
without some of those supposed lessons.  I think I learned more how to be
afraid and to become extremely introverted than anything else.  I don't
see that as useful lessons.

There are things I would change, but I don't know if I would change how I did them.