Thursday's Thoughts

So, I am finally making time to work through the offerings of Woman Unleashed today.  I have until Sunday to do all the ones I care to partake in.  And the one I watched this afternoon was pretty powerful.

I've been feeling a bit like a lone wolf as of late. I have no family, no friends around to speak of.  Some people I connected with via blogs have fade into the background that is life.  And that's okay, friendships can ebb and flow like that. We all have shit going on in our lives that distract us from connecting.

But I have been thinking about how I have never really been part of a big group of friends. I've had a few small connections here and there. But eventually time lead us apart.  And even those I have reconnected with thanks to Facebook, the closeness that may have once been there isn't the same. Things are mostly happy birthdays and an occasional comment on a post here and there.  There is no deep connections or conversations. 

When I left Brooklyn, I never thought about how I was leaving my people behind.  I blindly jumped on what I thought was going to be a good thing, even though just a year earlier I got a preview that it wasn't going to be.  But I ignored the warning signs, ignored my gut, my intuition and we moved to Florida.  I was alone. I struggled more to fit in than when I was in high school.  I made no real friends in Florida.  And was happy to move to Georgia.

But, then guess what.  It was no different one state over.  Save that I did make at least one friend.  She helped me to get out when I was ready by driving me to the airport and helping me get my stuff to the pack and ship.

Now here I am in a new state, 2200 miles away.  I still have no friends.  No kindreds that I can go out to coffee with or share thoughts and ideas with.  I have the people around me, and I have bonded with Momma T.

Yet I am still alone. And I was thinking about how I was a lone wolf.  I was thinking how maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be.  Maybe yes, maybe no.  I really don't have any answers.

But the workshop today was on the Flower of Life and taught by Lou Reed. No, not the singer. Each petal represented a segment of your life. One for basic needs, one for safety, and so on. She explained more in depth what each might include.  Then on a scale of 1-10 we were to color in where we felt we were at this point on each petal. I have to say my flower doesn't have a lot of color.

Then towards the end of the session, she says "The time of the lone wolf is over." And I paused, thinking oh what...wait.  Rewind. Too far back. It took me several tries to find the right time code on the video. I had to hear that again.  "The time of the lone wolf is over."  WOW!

So maybe I'm not meant to be a lone wolf after all. Because those words hit me good. But then, where is my pack?  How do I find them?  How do they find me?