I really don't know where yesterday's post came from. It certainly what I wasn't thinking of posting, at least not the way it came out. But I think maybe it was something I needed to get off my mind. Recovery from emotionally abusive and narcissistic relationships is long. Especially when they make you feel like it was your fault that things happened as they did. Or that you make them behave that way. There are still days that I feel like I'm to blame, that maybe it was all in my head. But I know I'm not alone. I know there are others who experienced the same or similar abuse/treatment.
Today I took time to light a candle and put on some of my 'new age-y' music. I love to listen to Llewelynn sometimes, and it's been awhile since I have. Then I listened to some Medwyn Goodall. My candle smelled delicious...it's organic and has a citrus scent. I took a small leaf off my White Sage smudge stick (that I've never lit!!) and lit it - the small leaf and let the smoke waft in the 4 corners of my room. I didn't want to light the whole stick seeing as I wasn't alone didn't want questions. I was content with my little leaf for that moment.
I also did some art today. First time in a couple of months at least. It felt good. I finished a piece I worked on several months ago, maybe even last year sometime. I wasn't happy with it, but I couldn't do anymore with it so I put it in the closet until it felt right. Today was that day and I think I am finally happy with it. I have another small piece on my easel but I'm really not liking it at all! And then I've got my BIG paper (that's been on my wall blank forever!) and I finally got something going on that. Not sure where it's going to lead to yet. I'm having a very hard time with my acrylics today, they don't seem to want to spread/flow the way I want them too. Not sure if it's the weather, the ceiling fan being on, if I need to wet my brush more..or if it's all or none of these. I'm just glad I got the brush in my hand and actually did something besides just think about it.