20 and counting!

SO! As of yesterday, I leave in OMG! 3 weeks!! I can't begin to express exactly how I feel because I feel like a bunch of different things at once. I'm sure I've said it here more than once the last couple of posts. I am happy, scared, excited, nervous.

Sad too, because I will miss my girls. I love them both so much. They are the only real good that came out of this. I need them to understand that I need to do this. I need to be happy. I need to be me. They both know I'm not happy here, and haven't been for quite sometime now. It's not because of them. It's because of "HIM", their dad. And I just can't live with him anymore.

Just a couple of weeks ago, he tried to 'talk me into' his idea to set appointments and give directions from home for a doctor friend. He hadn't even discussed it with the guy! He said it was because he wanted to see if I was interested first. I'm not interested in the idea and I really think it is better suited for someone that is actually familiar with a medical practice. But that's just my opinion. Now if he says I can still do it even if I'm 2200 miles away...I might reconsider it.

I'm trying this "roll and ziplock" pack method. I'm not really seeing a big difference in the bag before and after. I thought this might allot me a tad bit of room in the bag to maybe I don't know get one more ziplock in it perhaps. In someways I feel like I'm trying to take too much, thinking this or that can be replaced. But at the same time, I don't want to have to replace things unnecessarily. Some things I just don't want to leave behind. I would love to take all my writing magazines, but that's impossible. I've narrowed down the books I wanted for sure and have them packed. It seems like some of the other 'want to keeps' should go flat rate box. It appears it would be cheaper that way, than for the same size box to go regular mail cost almost twice as much.

I know I could leave some boxes and have them sent after I'm there. But I fully believe the Ogre wouldn't take the girls to the Post Office to mail them. Yes I could ask my friend to do it too I suppose. But the truth is, I don't want to trouble or burden anyone to get my shit to me. And I really hoped to take some of my yarns with me, since at 4.50-5.00 bucks a skein, I REALLY don't want to have to be replacing them. I'll figure it out. (hopefully:D)

I am planning to tell "HIM" next week before my oldest leaves for her week trip to Texas. I figured he'd be less likely to have too much of an outburst if they are both here. Not that it's stopped him before though. I'm hoping though that he will want to continue to 'look like the good guy' and not tell me to get out then and there. I'm also hoping that with him always saying behind my back that he knows I'm not happy and that if I am so unhappy I can leave and he wouldn't stop me...that he won't cause a scene either. Just please keep me in your thoughts as I head towards this moment of telling him. I'll need all the strength, love, and happy-good thoughts, vibes you all can send my way.