Thursday, March 4, 2010

Soulmates...real or imagined? Was I deceived?

Do they really exist? Sometimes I think so, other times I don't. I mean take for instance my oldest and her best friend. B's friend lives in Canada, we live down in Georgia. They have never met face to face and have been friends for over 3 years now I think it is. They are like two peas in a pod as they say. And could very well fit the profile of friend soulmates if you you will.

But here is why I question if it's a real thing or was I deceived somehow. Let's go back 20 years or so. I was engaged to a man who I thought I loved, we didn't communicate much and he ended up being very possessive of me and one day was about to punch me. That day I think was the turning point for me and I knew I didn't want to be in another physically abusive relationship.

I was raised Catholic, but I didn't really believe all that stuff I was taught over the years I attended Catholic school. I was at that time drawn to a pagan path but didn't know anything about how to learn more about it. But anyway, I laid on my bed one night, 4th of July to be exact. I was watching the Macy's fireworks on TV and spoke out loud. I don't remember my exact words but it went along the lines of "God if you are real, bring me someone who won't abuse me. That is love, kind, caring." Etc, get the picture, right?

So two months later, I'm at work. And this guy walks in to the store, I notice his shirt and commented on it. We start talking and it was like time stopped and I "heard a voice" (yes it was a male voice lol) say this is the one, the one I have for you. I was thinking to myself like you're kidding right, this isn't real. Him? And over the course of a few months he appeared sweet and charming, said all the right things. He was 16 years my senior. I was young, naive, desperate for unconditional love. So desperate I wouldn't know it if it slapped me in the face.

Eight months later we were married. I was longing to get out from under my codependent mother, I was wooed by his charm and promises. He convinced me that the "voice" I heard was destiny telling us we were soulmates and meant to be together. But now here I am, 20 years later and I'm miserable, desperate to get out, alienated from my family for the most part, stuck in a marriage that I believe now was never meant to be.

So how can he be or have been my soulmate? I didn't think they were supposed to hurt the ones they are suppose to love or are supposedly destined to be with. I never felt any "soul connection" to him. I'm not even sure any more if I ever loved him. I know now I was never "in love" with him.

I just don't know if I believe in soulmates. Sometimes the word seems to be made up to be used against a person to keep them in a relationship they don't belong in.


  1. Well I think that's something you have to look into yourself to find out if you believe or not.
    And if not soulmates what does strike your heart, what words do YOU feel are the right ones to describe love.

    I will always be by your side and support you in everything you believe in and do in your life though so never worry that you'll do it alone.

  2. I wonder if he wasn't a soul mate from another lifetime (if you believe in that sort of thing.) The reason I say this is twofold. #1 - I once saw a man that I had (intimate) knowledge of - and he was someone I had never met. I "remembered" him touching me. But I had never met this man in this life. Soulmate? Maybe.

    #2 - I've dated someone off and on who is so wrong for me, but I feel an undeniable connection to. Is he an old soul mate? A past love? I don't know - but he's hard to let go of.

    Perhaps your husband is someone you've loved before - which is why he seemed so right when you first met him. But he may not be who you are meant to be with in this life.

    Sorry - this may just be too confusing a comment!

  3. Oh - PS - you won the Oracle deck in my draw - yay! Perhaps you'll get some insight from it!

    Please email me your mailing address to: rueandhyssop(at)gmail(dot)com. I'll pop it in the mail to you on Monday! Congrats!

  4. OMG I won???? WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!! I'm excited, I can't wait. I am emailing you my address right now.