Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I feel so guilty, or maybe it's helpless

Last Thursday, the 25th, my little one turned 14. Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in the rocking chair nursing her as she stared up at me with her big blue eyes. I remember feeling like she had just looked right through me, deep into my soul. My sweet little baby has turned into a stubborn, mouthy teenager that wants everything just because so and so has it or because in her words "you have a debit card. OR you have checks."

Sometimes I feel guilty that I can't give them the party or the gifts they want or deserve. Then the fact that I have NO access to the money to even buy her a gift, just compounds things.

This is partly where I feel so helpless. See, due to the pending judgements I had before/during our filing bankruptcy, the attorney recommended "HE" remove me from ALL the accounts. Since then, we've filed and been to court, just waiting for the finalization to come through now. But "HE" has in no way made any effort to put me back on the account. In fact, "HE" even wants me to give "HIM" all the day to day bills so that "HE" can pay them "HIMSELF". "HE" wants me to have nothing to do with the account or money whatsoever. So, I can't go shop for groceries, I can't buy the girls something they might need, nor can I buy myself something I might need. If I want or need to go shopping, I have to wait to go with "HIM" or...."HE" goes without me and picks up what "HE" thinks we need. I don't know what to do anymore.

Then the other things that make me feel helpless are she was supposed to have a friend sleep over and then go to the movies the next day. Said friend decided last minute that she'd go stay at her cousin's instead. Even though this had been planned for a couple weeks, that after the sister of the friend went to see the same movie she was originally going to see with my daughter. So in her mind her birthday was ruined.

To top that off...her cousin ("HIS" niece's brat) starts to chat with her on facebook and starts talking crap to her. Then puts her friend on there and she starts saying a bunch of mean, hateful stuff to my girl. Calling her stupid, creepy and even called my girl a Lesbian. The poor kid came to me in tears. I told to say we'd make a copy of the chat and show it to her parents, but she said that won't do any good because they don't care. This isn't the first time this brat and her friends have done this to my girl.

It breaks my heart to see her treated this way, but I don't know what to do about it. Telling "HIM" is useless, and even telling the brat's parents is useless. This kid gets everything handed to her and she rubs it in to my girl's face all the time. It makes me feel so helpless that I can't do anything, and no words I say to my girl make it better. I mean it's bad enough when "HE" calls her fat and/or stupid, the cousin just makes everything worse with her words. Yes folks, "HE" has called her fat and stupid. She is not fat, not even slightly. Nor is she stupid. But "HE's" said it so much to her that she believes it. How do I help her?

1 comment:

  1. I sit here, speechless and stunned. You would think that I would cease to be surprised at the cruelty that people will spew to create a toxic environment. All I can suggest is that you continue to show, through your support and love, that she is so much more than what these people say she is. I will keep you and your lovely daughter in my thoughts.