Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Nano has come to an end

So, it's December 1st and NaNoWriMo has come to an end. I barely hit 5,000 words. I'm disappointed in myself that I let "HIM" and just stuff stress me out to the point I couldn't think. One of these years I will proudly sport a "WINNER" button on my blog. Maybe 2010? If I plot, plan, research now and continue until then...just maybe.

I mean there was even a point after a read a preview of a new series I want to check out that I actually started to feel the creative juices brewing. I heard the gears squeak in resistance at first, I saw a real glimpse of my Muse. But then..."HE" happened and yea...everything froze. The ideas, the creative juices...poof...gone.

Try as I might, I can't seem to do anything while I'm under the same roof with him anymore. I feel like I can't breathe, like I can't live, I can't be me, I can't do the things I want to do...need to do. I feel like I'm drowning, suffocating while I'm under "HIS" roof.

I'm going to call it "HIS" home or under "HIS" roof because this doesn't feel like home to me. It hasn't felt like my house or my home for a very, very long time now.

But some how, some way I have to find a way to write, to create, to breathe again.


  1. never say maybe... say when I do.. and here is an idea.... HE seems to be much of the effect on you now... Ever thought about writing about HIM to get it out of your system? Couldn't hurt.. I have journals galore where I vented about HIM until I finally got away... Not my best work but it did help... And who knows what getting some of that yuck out of you may allow to come in and take its place... good luck... its in you... believe in yourself

  2. This is the first post I've read - I'm a first-time visitor - and my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you are feeling stuck, I can almost feel the helpless frustration coming off of you.

    I'll be reading up on your past posts, but you already have my heart...I hope things get better for you soon.

  3. I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time, Mother's Moon's idea of writing about HIM sounds like an idea, maybe it can help you move through the feelings? Sending you good thoughts and wishes.