Today it was gloomy, chilly, and pouring like mad most of the day. It was one of those days you just want to stay in bed snuggled deep in the covers. And considering the last few days haven't been the greatest, that's exactly what I wanted to do. But of course I couldn't do that, yet I wish I did.
The day started out normal enough, except for the rain. Then my youngest tried to ninja one of my shirts yet again. I told her she needs to stop taking my things without my permission and return the things that she'd already ninja'd from me. She got all pissy about it. So I yelled back at her that she should just take all my clothes then. Which I then proceeded to burst into tears and cried as hard as it was raining out side. She took the shirt and threw it on my bed and was like there hope you're happy, and walked out of my room. She hasn't spoken to nor looked at me all day. Even now, she still hasn't said a word.
Then to make my day even worse, "HE" calls and tells me that we have an appointment with the bankruptcy attorneys on Friday to file. So I casually asked what about the mortgage what's going to be done. "HIS" answer..."well they won't modify what we have and they won't negotiate. So we'll just file anyway. And see if I can't do some other modification with some one else in the mean time." I was stunned! WTF is "HE" thinking???? "HE's" going to gamble that they won't repo the house. The attorney already told "HIM" that there wasn't any guarantee that they wouldn't try to take it back. That they don't even have to reaffirm the loan we have now. If it was just the two of us I might not be so up set, but what about my kids? "HE" made a big speech that this is the only home the girls have know for the last 10 or 11 years and "HE" doesn't want to give it up, but yet "HE's" done nothing to make sure that it won't get lost.
If they decide they want us out, I have no place to go. I have no job, no money, no friends. My family well 1) is out of state and 2) won't help anyway. I will not live with "HIS" sister again. NO WAY!! And "SHE" is in the process of looking at filing herself. What the hell am I supposed to do??
If "HE'd" have taken care of things 10 months ago when we first saw the attorney and done what they said to do we might not be in this position. But "HE" took "HIS" sweet old time about everything. And now because "HE" got served by some creditors, NOW "HE" wants to do something, and still didn't do much to secure the house. Other than read some websites and look over a couple of applications.
I just want out of this house, out of this marriage. The marriage was over a long time ago, even my grandma I think saw that. But still I tried to make it work to no avail. I want to just start fresh with my girls. Without "HIM" in the picture. I know I can't keep "HIM" out of their lives but you know what I mean. I just don't know what to do.