I Pushed, Now I'm Paying

I hurt.  Hurting in ways I haven't before.  Someways, some of the pain that is familiar is worse.  Others are new to me.


I pushed myself for the holiday and I knew I would pay for it.  I had to.  I had to make the sides and clean up.  I had to make my desserts for the dessert day and clean that up too.  Now, I'm paying for it. 

I don't regret it one bit.  I enjoyed the cooking and the baking.  I love to do both.  Okay I hate the clean up!!!  I knew it was going to bite me in the ass, I just didn't know how bad.

Pain between the shoulders and down my breastbone.
Lower back and tail bone, some moments they are the worst of it.
My hips because of the back.  If I am laying down, my leg tries to go numb and tingly.
My hands.  If they don't hurt, then they tingle.  Or worse, they try to cramp up on me.  So don't ask me to open a jar, it might not end well LOL.  (have to laugh or I'll cry.)
Now today, my thighs hurt too.  But it feels like the bones, not the muscles.  I don't know how to explain it.
Then there's that spot on my shin that I whacked on the dishwasher door 4 years ago.  If it doesn't hurt, then it itches, or both.
Feet keep trying to cramp up too.

I have to vent here because no one understands.
Taking pain meds does nothing. And I refuse to go on any prescription meds.  I'd rather hurt than
risk all the side effects.

You know what else I hate....that I can't do the things I love without pain.  I love to cook.  I love to bake.  But standing more than 5 minutes and I've got pain shooting down my spine.  I love to browse stores and shop, even if it's just window shopping.  Too much walking and my back and legs feel like they are on fire.

I caved last night and was in bed by 7.  I laid on the heating pad, which feels great until I try to get up and then I'm stiff and feel like I was hit by a truck.  But I caved and did it anyway.  I binged a few episodes of Downton Abbey.  And you know what?  I felt guilty for every moment I was there.  For me self-care = guilt. 

Sitting here to write hurts like crazy.  My back and hips and thighs are all screaming at me.  But even thinking of laying down, I feel the guilt rising.  And so I don't listen to what my body is telling me to do.

Even so, if I had to do it all over again so that we had a good thanksgiving.......I WOULD!