It doesn't seem possible that it is seven years today that I left/escaped. I'm sure there are those out there that see it differently. That don't believe me. That don't think I was a victim or that I am a survivor. But that shouldn't be my problem. If I had stayed, I don't know how much longer things would have stayed verbal, emotional, and psychological. Something inside me said it was only a matter of time before it became physical.
Even though I am out of the situation, I deal daily with the aftermath of it all. Not just from HIM but from the abuse I suffered by others. But at least I can breathe and not be afraid.
Yesterday was a sad day. It was the 34th anniversary of the passing of a girl I went to high school with. We lived in the same neighborhood, but I didn't know her until high school. Much of the school year she picked on me and teased me along with a bunch of other bullies. I was an easy target. Towards the end of the year, for some reason I will never know she started to be nice to me. Gave me tips on how to "train" my hair to feather back as was the style back then. Then Memorial Day weekend, she was in a motorcycle accident. It was just supposed to be a quick ride over the bridge.
She died a week later, succumbing to her injuries. I had lost people in my life before, grandmother, great grandparents. But this...this was too close to home. We were the same age.
I feel like no one remembers her. A few of the people that we both knew and went to school with are now Facebook friends. None of them ever mention her. We all went to her funeral. It's sad. Maybe they do remember, I really can't say. But to me, it just feels like she was forgotten.
Today also marks two months that the tree fell on the house. We are STILL waiting for the repairs. The trusses haven't been completed yet. The engineer came out yesterday to do some additional or final measurements. He said they should be done this week. Then depending on the contractor's work schedule, they should get started hopefully next week.
The waiting is awful!! There are areas that are sagging due to water damage over the last several weeks. Cracks and such too. We will all be glad when it's all done.
Because we have to keep waiting, life has basically been on pause. It will be nice for things to get back to "normal"
Oh gosh, has it been seven years already? I remember when you were just in the planning stage. I'm so happy that you were strong enough to get out. Some women never do. The heck what anyone else says. I was called a liar, too.
ReplyDeleteI know, hard to believe!
DeleteIt sucks being labeled as the toxic one. That I'm a liar, not a victim. That it's my fault.
Everyday is a process of trying to let go of the blame and shame.
Thank you Mary for all your support and friendship <3