I ended up not doing my writing by hand after all this year. I need to figure out a good set up to be able to do that comfortably. I would like to be able to do that at my computer desk, then I feel cramped. I would need a small table next to it or something. I could do it at my art table, but I really want to leave that just for art. It is not really a dilemma but it is sort of, but not one that will keep me from writing if I want to.
I also have not decided if I want to take a few days break in December or keep going. Since the cold is still lingering, I would like to say I want to take the weekend at least. Just to chill and decompress. But then I am afraid I will lose steam and then just keep making excuse after excuse about why I will not write that day. Which brings me to two quotes I have come across in the last couple of days.
The first is:
(found via Facebook and Google)
this is the second one
(discovered via BohoBerry, image from Google)
Both of these got me thinking a lot the last couple of days. One kind of leads into the other the more I think about it. Both of these to me, say a whole lot about determination. I guess you could say I am having quite a few light bulb moments since I have gotten this cold. Or maybe it started while watching Granny leave this world and pass on into the next, and it is just culminating here. What ever the trigger is, I hope it does not stop. I am rather enjoying these little epiphanies.
So anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I find I can come up with a lot of excuses for not doing a thing I want to do. No space, no time, not the right supplies, I will do it later, I suck, I am not good at it, and on and on it can go. I find I do that the most with writing. I usually start with the idea of "I will write today." Then that turns into, well I need to have coffee first, check email and facebook, have more coffee. And then it goes into I will do it later, then it is I will do it after dinner. Which becomes I will squeeze in a few words before bed, to which I always say I will do it tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes and it is a rinse and repeat scenario and instead becoming a writer, I have become the person that dreams about writing.
Now yes it can be true that maybe the timing is not write or perhaps I am not truly ready. Or is it that I am just procrastinating my ass off and I am scared shit to fail. Some? All? But that is what I want to change, one of things anyway. I think it is kind of like having a baby. There is never a right time to have one. You never have enough money, enough space, enough security, enough knowledge. You can plan and plan and plan, and still it is not enough. Your book (MY BOOK) is your (MY) baby. It is time to jump in with both feet and get to work on it, what ever it might end up being.
I am determined to be a writer, even if I am never published. Sure that would be amazing, but I would just like to get my stories written. I want to be able to accomplish at least one of my dreams.
Which leads into the second quote about brick walls. I immediately started thinking about all the ones I have faced or am facing. Some are self imposed, like the lies I had been told all my life. They are designed to keep me from chasing after what I want. They are designed to stop me. So I have to ask myself, how badly do I want my dreams to come true? How determined am I to pursue them and make them realities?
We are about to enter into the final stretch of the year. I have not gotten a lot accomplished. Brick walls, self imposed or other wise have held me back. Lack of determination to fight to over come them has also held me back. So I ask myself, am I going to keep letting those lies and those brick walls get in my way? Or am I going to make a plan over the remainder of the year of how I am going to tackle those walls and those dreams of mine a reality?
I am going to chose to make a plan. I think I am going to need to find an accountability partner. Someone that I can share my ideas and plans with, someone that can kick me in the ass when I start slacking or letting those obstacles get the better of me. Or perhaps I can just put my big girl panties on, pull up my boot straps, and get my ass in gear. However this happens, I am not going to repeat this bullshit next year.
No comments:
Post a Comment