I'm still struggling to find my place, my voice, my identity. But I think that is going to go on for some time yet as I work shit out in my head and in my life. So I'm just going to go with the flow and see where it leads me.
It's the time of year where I start looking back over the last year, what I've journaled, wanted, accomplished or didn't. There's more in the what I didn't do column than that of what I've done. I start thinking of my word of the year. I had picked Acceptance for 2016, I didn't manifest it the way I thought I would. But that's okay.
My word for 2017 has found me way earlier than I expected. I would even say that it is probably my word for the last bit of this year too. The word DREAM has been coming at me every time I turn around. In a quote, on a shirt, as a piece of art. It's everywhere. And honestly, I have been afraid to let myself dream. I am always afraid it will turn into a nightmare. So I will face my fears and allow myself to dream and see where they take me.
And dreaming....The last week I have been having some vivid dreams, but I only seem to remember key parts of them. Not the whole of the dream, just bits and pieces.
Last week started with a dream of getting a tattoo on my right hand, both on top and on the palm. They were very vivid faces, reminded me a bit of Picasso faces. I remember thinking that they didn't hurt a bit, that I had been afraid to get tattoos because I thought they would hurt immensely.
Then there was the dream where I felt that I was back home in Brooklyn, everything looked different but it felt like where I grew up. I was near Newton Creek (a waterway which separates Greenpoint from Long Island City) when a pod of black dolphins came by. They stopped briefly before continuing on. Followed by two whales, the Orca type, that swam side by side and kept trying to come on land.
This week the oddness continues with dreaming of a very bright red Cardinal. I haven't seen one since I left the South. I recall being very excited to see it come and perch on a tree branch. Even trying to get Mom's attention to see it too. But it would hide like only I was meant to see it.
A day or so later, I dreamt of being on a beach and walking along the shore. It occurred to me that I could touch the water, walk in it even which I missed out on when I went to the Oregon coast a few months ago. My attempt to touch the water and walk in it failed, even though it was right there and could feel the warmth of it. The water was just out of my reach and I couldn't touch it.
Yesterday I was dreaming that I woke up and looked out the window to find it was snowing with at least an inch or two covering the ground. When I woke up, that is exactly what was happening! I woke up to it snowing with close to two inches on the ground!! I never had a dream that came true like that.
I really don't know what to make of them. A FB friend gave me some insight on the tattoo and whales. The tattoo insight made total sense to me, the whale one left me wondering and I haven't figured it out yet.
Hope you all had a delightful Thanksgiving. Ours was delicious and surprisingly peaceful. I'm trying to get into the Yule/Holiday spirit but I'm just not feeling it.
Wish you all a great rest of the week! Until next time.............