Thursday, February 13, 2014

A Day Full Of Emotions

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions.  It was supposed to be a really good day, but instead it was a day mixed with joy and sadness.

The Joyful:
My Beloved's Dad FINALLY got the thumbs up, the green light, the all systems go to get back to work.  He got the call this morning that his truck had arrived and would be available this afternoon.  I've never seen a person so excited to back to work.  He truly does love his job though, so I think that has a lot to do with it.  He got all his stuff loaded up to take over and "move in" to his rig.  We didn't expect him on the road until morning.  Just found out he is already on the road! 

This month will still be sucking financially until he gets his miles going and a steady check coming in.  As of this moment, we don't know how bills or rent will be paid.  There just isn't any money to pay any of them. 

The Numbing:
Officially got a diagnosis on my mom.  She has pancreatic cancer that has metastasized to the liver.  My aunt said that she was told her paper work does not indicate a stage.  How the hell do you omit that information??  She will be receiving chemo treatment.  She is also receiving physical therapy.  The PT is that the hope is she will go home in a couple of months so long as she is making progress.  IF she does go home though, she will have to have 8 hours of care daily. 

I did some quick Google searching and the cancer sites I've looked at indicate that she is already in Stage IV.  I honestly don't know if she will get to go back home.  Maybe they will let her for a short term to get her affairs in order.  So far as we know too, my mom doesn't seem to know she has cancer.  After meeting with the coordinator, the dietitian, and the social worker yesterday, my aunt said she told them to make sure the doctor tells my mom she has cancer.  My aunt cannot handle breaking the news to her if she does in fact not know.  I understand how hard this must be for her.  She just lost her husband to prostate cancer last April. 

If my mother wants me to know anything, I have no idea.  It would seem my aunt is acting proxy on her behalf.  (is that the way to say it?)  My thoughts and options on what should or shouldn't be done are not asked.  My guess is that as far as my mom is concerned, I don't exist.  I really feel like my hands are tied in this situation.  My mom wants nothing to do with me.  I can't afford to go to New York even if I wanted to help out some how.  Besides what's the point if I'm not wanted?!

The Sad:
Heartbreaking truly.  The Heavens got a new little angel today.  Sister #3's fiance's nephew.   A sweet 11 year old boy, lost his battle with brain cancer.  He stopped breathing last night, then it was determined there was no more brain activity.  At 11:30 AM local time he was removed from life support.  He fought a good hard fight for almost 4 years.  I only had the opportunity to meet him once, but he was too shy and embarrassed by how he looked.  This was back when the tumors were just starting to disfigure him.

He won the hearts of many, including a local biker group.  Several of them came to say good bye to him last night.  The 'leader' a big burly biker dude cried when he said good bye to him. 

Spread your wings and fly with the angels!  For now you no longer feel pain.  And you can eat all the Oreos you want!!


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