Monday, January 31, 2011

Nydia's Having a Give Away

The divinely talented Nydia over at Bringing Up Salamanders is having her first give away of the year.

If you haven't checked out her really should! They are amazing. I have 2 and hope to get more in the future.

What are you waiting for go check out her blog and enter :D

My Big Girl Turned 18!

Two posts in one day...go me!

Six days ago, my big girl turned 18. It seems like just yesterday she was cutting her first tooth, saying her first word (which was BALL of all things), learning to crawl then walk...Where'd they years go?

I'm so proud of her. She knows what she wants to be...A Photographer. She's self taught, and she's quite good. And every day she gets better with every photo she takes. She eventually wants to go to an art college and study photography. "HE" on the other wants her to go to a community college for a year or two to get the college basics down (what the hell that is...I dunno) and major in something she's interested in. UM...newsflash...they don't teach photography! But, this is what "HE" is insisting on and "HE" has actually asked me to 'convince' her to do this.

I love that she is learning to be her authentic self and not conform to what others what her to be or do. I'm slowly starting to see things in her that she seems passionate about. Things that make her want to speak out. One thing that has really touched her was the "It Gets Better" campaign. And the recent news about what's been happening in Florida with the new executive order that was passed.

While the rest of the family doesn't know. And I've been hesitant to talk about it here as I don't know if she'd be okay with it. But...she does read my blog and she's wants me to remove this post or any portion, I will respect her wishes. My big girl came out to us on christmas day. While to me it was no surprise...did I outwardly I did not, had I suspected? Over the recent months...Yes! I am supportive of her choice. I'm not going to condemn her, be angry with her or belittle her. I love my daughters no matter what. And I've told them over and over that no matter if they were gay, straight or doesn't change the fact that I love them.

Now "HE" on the other hand, wouldn't even look at her or speak to her for well over an hour after her revelation. And then gave her the half-hearted "I still love you know matter what" comment. My friends...guess what..."HE" is in denial about this too. Big surprise, right? "HIS" excuse for her misconceived notion (as "HE" thinks it is just misplaced feelings)...that she hasn't had much exposure to boys because we homeschooled. Um...newsflash...she had boys that were friends that lived on our street...she attended public school for a year...there were boys in the churches we attended. Lack of exposure? WTF is that?

So while I am accepting and supportive, "HE" is denying it and won't speak of it. My young one (who OMG will be 15 in March!) is supportive of her sister. My big girls closest friends are supportive. Yet their father won't accept it. Now we weren't at all surprised, but we did hope for a different outcome.

Just because someone gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual or transgendered doesn't change who they are on the inside. They are still your child, your family member, your friend...whatever the case maybe. The agenda in Florida saddens me. It just goes to show that we as a society still have a long way to go. Our society needs to wake up and realize that the LBGT community is not going to go away. We need to support them and accept them, not discriminate or turn our backs on them. They are people just like us, they bleed when they get cut, they cry when they are sad or in pain, they laugh when they are happy....They are just like us.

But anyway...Happy Birthday to my big girl (even if this post is a few days late LOL) Be happy and shine my darling girl!

Is There A Pause Button For The Brain?

I mean there a pause button? Lately, I feel like my mind is running a million miles a minute. Makes it hard to sleep or even fall asleep, which in turn just makes my head hurt.

Most of it has to deal with "HIM". Now "HE'S" on a new kick, still in denial of course, but now "HE" wants to move to Colorado like this year...or the next 12 months whichever comes first "HE" says. WTF is in Colorado??? There was no discussion, no what do you think...nothing, NADA...just "I want to move to Colorado." The other day was one of the first days it was actually even mentioned to me albeit in a passing word fashion. "HE" is hoping to find a company that will hire and move us out there lock, stock and barrel. I don't think "HE'S" realized that the economy is kind of in a shitty place right now and jobs aren't easy to come by. Of course, "HE" also thinks that IF "HE" did find a new job and they happen to pay more than what "HE" is making now...that more money and new place to live is gonna make me happy and as "HE" puts it "It would be a new start, a fresh start for us." UM...HELLO... I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU?! Yes, "HE" is STILL in denial! I know me still being here doesn't help, but with the economy in it's current state money to get out is slow going.

My other bitchfest is we haven't even done our taxes yet. We don't even know what or if we're getting anything back, most likely will but don't know how much. And "HE" is already spending it in "HIS" head. If I go off "HIS" batterings...we're already broke just off "HIS" fantasy spending spree. "HE" is enough to drive anyone crazy!

I think the thing that pissed me off most this weekend is the conversation we had about "HIS" nephew. Apparently, Nephew's wife met someone, took all the furniture and their almost 2 year old and moved out while Nephew was at work. She is saying she left on grounds of abuse. And in classic style, everyone is saying Nephew would never do such a thing because everyone knows him so well. "HE" ranted on and on that the girl is bipolar. I asked "What the HELL makes you think she's bipolar for making abuse allegations?" "HIS" answer?..."She's emotional. And she's accusing Nephew of something he couldn't possibly do." I told "HIM" that doesn't make her bipolar. Abuse is an emotional thing, coming to terms and accepting it happened...admitting it happened...getting's all very emotional. That doesn't make her bipolar. She even asked their employer (she and Nephew work in the same well known wholesale club just different departments.) The manager denied her transfer request saying "HE" doesn't see the need to do so, that they know how Nephew is and it's not something he would do so therefore there's no need to transfer and they don't want to pass on a problem to another store. WTF??? Okay first, denying her and if something happens...WTF! And second....if you don't think he's capable, then why the comment about not wanting to pass the problem to another store? Again...WTF?

I tried to tell "HIM" that we never really know a person. That abusers typically hide their behavior from everyone but the victim. So most people that know the abuser never have a clue. Abusers are skilled at charming people. Case in point...the couple people that know us that I felt safe enough to share what's going on couldn't believe "HE" is doing the things "HE" does. They believe me, but they were shocked by it.

Add to that the desire to create, create, create...And not know where to start, or how to start...and then I start getting ideas when I lay down of who's youtube I need to watch or what colors I want to try on the altered box I'm working on...or where am I going to find material to do layers on the one I just finished painting...and thinking I don't have the right supplies or enough...AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! My mind just won't be quiet! I mean as long as it's on crafty things and finding my authentic's a good's the other stuff that needs to STFU. Ya know.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Needing Some Advice

As some of you may know, I am wanting to open an Etsy shop. I have my name picked out already and saved. I just don't have anything listed yet. My biggest hurdle is FEAR and ME! I'm my own worst critic and feel like my creations might not be good enough to sell...but that's another issue to be dealt with later.

A while back, someone mentioned that a watercolor painting I did was good and should consider selling it. I started thinking that it might be something I want to add to my Etsy shop. But, of course, I don't want to part with the original. So the dilemma is how do I offer prints of a painting I might make? I'm working in an art journal and playing around with canvas panels at the moment. I thought about maybe taking one or two to like Staples or something and making a couple of copies to sell. But what kind of paper do I have it printed on to?

On an art forum I belong to, someone suggested printing it onto canvas with a bubblejet. I only have an HP inkjet that is currently out of ink and I don't have the money to buy more ink for it at the moment. Nor do I even know where to by canvas that can be printed on. I can't invest in having gilclee prints made either. Any ideas on how I can make a copy of one of my paintings to sell? Would a laser print from say Staples or Kinko's be acceptable? If you sell prints of your work, what do you use?

Another question I have that I cannot seem to find an answer to is regarding Paypal. I have a regular account at the moment. Do I need to upgrade it to a business account? Or does that only come into play if I have more than a certain number of sales per month or week? Or can I just leave it as a regular account?

I don't even know if my art is 'good enough'. Of course my inner critic says I'm out of my freaking mind to even think so. But any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Wishcast Wednesday - Hunger

It's Wishcast Wednesday again, and I missed (avoided, dodged) last week's. I just didn't know how to answer it, I didn't know what to wish for.

Last week, we were asked "What do wish to renew?" I think, I wish to renew my ability to trust. To trust others, to trust myself, to trust my intuition, to trust my beloved. Trust is very hard for me to do. Every time I open myself up to trust someone, even just a little they hurt me. Okay, my beloved hasn't but it's still not easy to place my trust in him. Even though, in the almost two years we've been together he's not ever given me reason not to trust him. *sigh*...I just don't know how to learn to trust again.

This week, Jamie asks "What hunger do you wish to feed?" I wish to feed my passion to create, my desire to learn be it herbalism, to draw/paint, druidry or whatever my path is, my longing to trust my beloved. These are things I long to feed.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Wishcast Wednesday - Saying Yes!

It's the first Wishcast of 2011! Jamie asks us, "What do you wish to say YES! to?"

I'm a day late with my post, but I've been feeling kinda crappy the last couple days. So as I was laying down last night to go to sleep, I was pondering the question and was formulating my post in my head that I would write today. And guess what?!...Not one word stuck in my head! Typical LOL.

So just what is it I want to say YES! to? I'd like to say YES! to my desire to be creative. YES! to trying to be artistic. YES! to taking a chance and trusting. I'm sure there's more, but that's all that I got at the moment.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Making Art!

Well...HAPPY NEW YEAR! To start the year off hopefully fulfilling one of my wishes I am participating in 2 Art Challenges. One is the "Creative Every Day 2011" and the other is "Art Journal January" with Milliande.

Now they both have different themes. Creative Every Day's theme for January is "Cosmos", now this is just a suggested theme but one I think that would make me stretch my imagination a bit. And Milliande's theme is 'Z for Zebra...Starting Out at the End'. So I sought out some beginning/ending quotes and after reading some I've come to the conclusion that every beginning starts where something has ended...well most of the time. While doing my quote hunt, one that came up was the lyrics to what I still sometimes think of as my power song..."Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. Everytime I hear it, it moves me and strikes some hidden cords deep inside me. So I shall share my art for today with you and of course "Unwritten" video.