Monday, January 31, 2011

Is There A Pause Button For The Brain?

I mean there a pause button? Lately, I feel like my mind is running a million miles a minute. Makes it hard to sleep or even fall asleep, which in turn just makes my head hurt.

Most of it has to deal with "HIM". Now "HE'S" on a new kick, still in denial of course, but now "HE" wants to move to Colorado like this year...or the next 12 months whichever comes first "HE" says. WTF is in Colorado??? There was no discussion, no what do you think...nothing, NADA...just "I want to move to Colorado." The other day was one of the first days it was actually even mentioned to me albeit in a passing word fashion. "HE" is hoping to find a company that will hire and move us out there lock, stock and barrel. I don't think "HE'S" realized that the economy is kind of in a shitty place right now and jobs aren't easy to come by. Of course, "HE" also thinks that IF "HE" did find a new job and they happen to pay more than what "HE" is making now...that more money and new place to live is gonna make me happy and as "HE" puts it "It would be a new start, a fresh start for us." UM...HELLO... I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU?! Yes, "HE" is STILL in denial! I know me still being here doesn't help, but with the economy in it's current state money to get out is slow going.

My other bitchfest is we haven't even done our taxes yet. We don't even know what or if we're getting anything back, most likely will but don't know how much. And "HE" is already spending it in "HIS" head. If I go off "HIS" batterings...we're already broke just off "HIS" fantasy spending spree. "HE" is enough to drive anyone crazy!

I think the thing that pissed me off most this weekend is the conversation we had about "HIS" nephew. Apparently, Nephew's wife met someone, took all the furniture and their almost 2 year old and moved out while Nephew was at work. She is saying she left on grounds of abuse. And in classic style, everyone is saying Nephew would never do such a thing because everyone knows him so well. "HE" ranted on and on that the girl is bipolar. I asked "What the HELL makes you think she's bipolar for making abuse allegations?" "HIS" answer?..."She's emotional. And she's accusing Nephew of something he couldn't possibly do." I told "HIM" that doesn't make her bipolar. Abuse is an emotional thing, coming to terms and accepting it happened...admitting it happened...getting's all very emotional. That doesn't make her bipolar. She even asked their employer (she and Nephew work in the same well known wholesale club just different departments.) The manager denied her transfer request saying "HE" doesn't see the need to do so, that they know how Nephew is and it's not something he would do so therefore there's no need to transfer and they don't want to pass on a problem to another store. WTF??? Okay first, denying her and if something happens...WTF! And second....if you don't think he's capable, then why the comment about not wanting to pass the problem to another store? Again...WTF?

I tried to tell "HIM" that we never really know a person. That abusers typically hide their behavior from everyone but the victim. So most people that know the abuser never have a clue. Abusers are skilled at charming people. Case in point...the couple people that know us that I felt safe enough to share what's going on couldn't believe "HE" is doing the things "HE" does. They believe me, but they were shocked by it.

Add to that the desire to create, create, create...And not know where to start, or how to start...and then I start getting ideas when I lay down of who's youtube I need to watch or what colors I want to try on the altered box I'm working on...or where am I going to find material to do layers on the one I just finished painting...and thinking I don't have the right supplies or enough...AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! My mind just won't be quiet! I mean as long as it's on crafty things and finding my authentic's a good's the other stuff that needs to STFU. Ya know.

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