Thursday, July 7, 2011

Learning To Feel At Home

I can hardly believe I am here a month! I miss my girls of course. I do get to talk to them and think of them everyday.

So much as happened in such a short time. Soon after I got here my Beloved's Grandma got sick and spent a few days in the hospital. Nothing serious but when you're 90 they like to take precautions. She is home and doing fine. Last week we gained a baby kitten, but it didn't make it and passed yesterday. Which is also the day we welcomed a new baby to the family. I have finally met all the family now, Mom included. Once I got over my initial nerves, I felt like I had known her forever. We even planted our vegetable garden by twilight and the sliver of moon looking down at us. Yesterday I planted our herbs. The garden and herbs and such are my responsibility. I am fine with that, I love to garden :D

It's taken a little bit, but I am finally starting to relax, feel more at ease. Feeling like I can breathe. I don't feel like I am walking on eggshells constantly. I mean I still have my moments where I want to just go and hide, but I think it's getting better. I am still finding my place though, but I do feel like I am part of a family and not an outsider looking in.

I never thought I would feel at home in the middle of the country. Being a city girl and all. I wake up to a sunrise and can watch the sunset every night. I can see the stars clearer than I have in a long time and the moon oh the glorious moon. I have access to what can be a VERY big garden! I have a small herb garden. I can hear the neighbors horses whinnying in the morning, and no matter which window I look out I can see his crops growing or mountains in the distance. I am completely surrounded by nothing but the sounds of nature. Peaceful, tranquil...except for the rooster that can't tell time LOL.

Maybe this is how I will find my path since I have been feeling lost for the last few months. Maybe I'm not supposed to label it or follow a particular road. Maybe this is where I learn to intertwine the things I am drawn to regardless of what pantheon a Goddess or God belongs to. Where I learn to no get hung up on not having the right tools or the right method. Where I learn to connect with nature and the Goddess from the heart.

I am "home" because it is where my Beloved is. It is where I get to be myself or figure out who I am. Where I get to spend time with my just talk or watch a movie or just sit and be. Where I can get big warm hugs and learn that everything is going to be okay.

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