Back to Advocate #1

Since my last post, I've been in contact with the first advocate I spoke to on the phone. I tell you these two women are like night and day. She knew I was in the office and had spoken to the other girl. I told her I was more comfortable speaking/dealing with her rather than Miss Thing. I told her that she just sent me on my way with a list of numbers but I really was at a loss as to what I should do, what questions to ask, etc. Miss Helpful told me to call the Legal Services number on Tuesday and see what they could do for me and then get back to her after I called them.

Tuesday rolled around and well boy was I stunned yet again! I called the number, and got told flat out NO! The reason...It's not physical! OMG seriously? I'm like but I'm being abused emotionally and such. "Sorry Ma'am, if it's not physical we can't advise on it." So I go and call Miss Helpful and oh noes! She's out of town until Thursday. Oh for fuck sakes! really? I mean really?!

So here comes Thursday...and Yay! Miss Helpful is in the office. I told her I called the number and got told no they won't advise me. Hell they won't even hear what I have to say. She was surprised and was like so "he's gotta punch you in the face before they will help? That's not right!" I told her well at least you know they won't help any other type of victim of abuse. She then told me she was trying to find some one that would help me out and take my case. She just hasn't heard back yet. Miss Helpful said it's not going to be easy, but we will find someone. And that it shouldn't take forever to find a lawyer either.

I told her that I want to get out of the state as soon as I am able to. She said they can definitely help me with that. It's funny though, she's says they definitely can and Miss Thing says maybe, maybe not. It's like do they even work at the same office? Then I asked her about the whole abandonment thing. I think she made a quick phone call and said that while he can if he wants to be an ass, the problem comes in if he decides to file an abandonment warrant. Where he states that I left and I'm not supporting my child. Kind of hard to do with no income! BUT...it would cost him $200 to file it!

I'm hoping that when it comes down to it, we can be amicable about the whole thing. My youngest would be staying and that was his biggest issue, if I took the kids. Do I like it that she wants to stay? Fuck no, it hurts and makes me sad. But just because I will leave doesn't mean I stop being her mother. I will always be there for her and she would always have a home with me.

Tomorrow, I have to touch bases with Miss Helpful to see if she's heard anything from the people she's contacted. I'm trying to keep myself calm. Not get too excited or hopeful...not yet. One step at a time. I am going to start packing what I discretely can. Like my scrapbooks and pictures, genealogy binders, start sorting through my clothes again pack some that I plan to take that I don't really need to have out at the moment. That sort of thing. Also next week, hopefully I'll be getting together with my one and only friend here and she's going to take me to the gold shop so I can sell my gold.

It feels almost like I'm moving in the right direction(s) but in slow motion. Sometimes it even feels like things are just standing still. Once all is said and done with the advocates and such, I have the executive director's email. I will be informing her of what Miss Thing said and how she handled me.

I still don't know what will happen between me and my Beloved. I'm still fighting for us and trying not to push or rush things. I remain hopeful that we are finding our way back, and that we will be together. It's my love for him that keeps me going. That he is still in my life, and that we still talk everyday...just knowing he's there gives me strength and comfort. I just miss him/us very much and I love my Beloved with all my heart.