Thursday, April 21, 2011

I'm Packing!

I think I've finally realized that while I can work towards things like getting help from the advocate, unfortunately I'll probably be a pain in the ass since she's so hit and miss. I can't sit by and do nothing. I also need to make things happen. I realize there will NEVER really be a perfect time, a right time. So, I've been checking prices, laws for Idaho, etc. I found that I can fly out for just $20-$40 more than the bus ticket would be, depending on when I actually fly out. That part will depend on timing AND my friend helping me get to the Gold shop.

I will be shipping my PC and monitor. And will probably mail my art that I've worked on recently, and my paints, and maybe a couple of small boxes of books MAYBE. I can only take 2 bags for check-in, and 1 carry on not counting purse/laptop. So what ever I am taking needs to fit in those things and no more.

These last few days, I've started weeding through all the crap I've accumulated. Have shredded 5 trash bags worth of stuff and still going.

What I need to figure out is how far back on the taxes should I take copies of? I'm not on the house title, but am on the mortgage. And I'm joint on the car that will be paid off in less than a year. We have no joint cards together, and I'm not on any of the bank accounts. I've made copies of what I can so far. Pay stubs for the Ogre though I'll need more current ones soon, I have a copy of his last 401k statement.

The thing is I want nothing from this guy except my freedom. Part of me feels a bit selfish for wanting to be free, not selfish in regards to him though. But I guess that's normal. I stood outside earlier and looked around, and I thought...soon, I won't be seeing this anymore. I'm fairly sure I won't miss the neighborhood. I'm not close to any of my neighbors. It would probably be awhile before any of them even noticed I had left...if they notice or the girls or the Ogre tell someone.

I'm scared to be doing this...I mean moving 2200 miles is huge. I'm also excited at the same time. I feel like I'm really going to get to start my life, whether it be anew or start over. I've made my choices, the cards will fall where they will. I haven't told the Ogre yet, as I still need to pick a date and coordinate a couple more things. I don't know what will happen with me and my Beloved either. I am as always hopeful. We talk every day and I am grateful for that and cherish every second. And I will finally get to be around the people I call family. They are more like family to me than I have ever felt in my own blood family. I cannot wait to get out there. Soon can't come soon enough!


  1. You are NOT selfish. Keep at it! You are in my thoughts and I am cheering for you!!!

  2. Of course you are scared; it is a big step you are taking, but it is time to start taking care of 'you'. Believe me, I was in so much turmoil when I went through it and my boys were still young...6 and 11. But, as difficult as it was for awhile, I will say, it was the best move I could have made. You will be fine.

  3. its a big thing but the right thing take what you need everything will work out for the best :) when i left, i left with just a bin bag of clothes!! ( HE said if you leave you leave with nothing SO i did) but here i am 10 years later x x x good luck hun x x x

  4. You are not selfish at all, you are finally going to be free and you deserve that! I am so very happy for you!!