Okay so I had this really oddly weird dream last night. I can't remember all of the details, some of them are quite fuzzy. But what I do remember is this:
My beloved and I were standing outside of a closed door with a gold door knob to a house. I was hold a vented bag that contained what was about 1 foot high domed-beehive made of twigs with seemingly a couple hundred little honeybees. I wanted to find a place to set the hive down so the bees could thrive. At first, I set it down in front of the door and said no this wouldn't be good because no one could go in or out and the bees would get in the house. So my beloved said let's put it in the yard. So I picked it up and carried it to the backyard. I set it down in one place and when I walked away the hive started to collapse and deteriorate, so I picked it back up and placed it somewhere else. The same thing happened again, so I picked up and moved it again...this happened several times. On one move some peaches fell out of it. They were very ripe and smelled very very sweet. We picked up as many as we could and some split open and had no pits inside. I remember saying something about that being weird. And then said we should maybe feed them to the animals. In a corner of the yard was a small fenced area that held a cow and some chickens. (the rest of the yard was unfenced.)
In a spot of the otherwise grassy yard was a square patch of dirt that I'd say was about 5'x5' that had a tan colored boar playing on it. It never ventured off this patch of dirt, just kept running around and playing by itself. I then looked across the way and saw on the neighboring yard a young pig tied to a dog run that was going absolutely nuts and was thrashing and pulling at the line trying to break free and get the boar. I said something like we should move the boar in with the other animals and went to do that. The pig got angrier. Then I looked back at the beehive again and it was falling apart again, the last thing I remember was picking it up to move it yet again.
I have no idea what any of this means. And maybe it means nothing at all. But I did go to bed very upset last night. You see, "HE" fucked up yet again. We have a lot of bills due this week and I've been running numbers in my head since last week trying to figure how we'd cover it all and if we had enough. Because "Dipshit" in his infinite wisdom bought our eldest a laptop. And for weeks while we'd been waiting for the flex plan check to come in I thought he was putting money aside for it from some of the side jobs he's done to buy it. BUT OH NO! NOT "HIM! NO... he used bill money to pay for the balance of the laptop. With apparently no consideration what so ever to whether we'd have enough to pay all those bills or buy food.
I told "HIM" I had to pay our electric and "HE" did the breakdown on what other bills were due and said oh we'll be okay we have 60 bucks left over. Well I double checked "HIS" numbers and found "HE" screwed up and we're 70 bucks in the hole. And "HE'S" all ladi-da about it. Like its no big deal. And I'm sitting here going what the fuck are we supposed to do. I can't even buy the milk, bread, butter and eggs we are out of because there's nothing to buy it with. And "HE" acts like it's no big deal!
Seriously...I can't keep living like this. I have to find a way out for me and my girls and soon. This is all too much already. I can't take it anymore. I can't sleep, I can't eat, my stomach hurts all the time, I'm having chest pains which I get from anxiety attacks that I haven't had in a very long time. I just don't know what to do.