When I started this blog about a year ago, I had intended it to be about my journey through writing a book, my dream novel. The Forgotten Muse as this blog is titled was I thought at the time, just that...that I had forgotten about my Muse through a series of tragedy and life events. But lately, I've been thinking about that and I realize that I've never really forgotten my Muse. She's been right beside me the entire time, she's just been silent allowing me to go through the rough times that seem to have plagued me for the last 3 years.
I've realized it's not my Muse that's been forgotten at all. It's me... I'm the forgotten muse. I've forgotten who I was, who I am, who I want to be. I've let people and circumstances dictate those things to me. I've only been what or who everyone else has wanted me to be to make them happy. First it was to please my mother, then it was to please what ever man was in my life taking advantage and abusing me, then it was for "HIM", and even at times for my beloved Grandma. Because I didn't want to disappoint her, I tried to be how she wanted me to be. With "HIM" it's always been to keep the peace, to make him happy, because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. Never once realizing that with "HIM" it was emotional and psychological abuse, that "HE" was controlling me.
So this blog will probably focus more on me and my journey to find out who I am rather than on writing which it hasn't been about writing for a while now anyway. I will include things about my writing when it comes up, but this is about me know. My search for my inner muse, for who I am inside, my journey to become the person I've always wanted to be...who I was meant to be.
Like I've been wanting to learn about Holistic healing, herbalism, aromatherapy, organic living for quite some time now. But because of "HIM" I've always had to bury my desires. Well not anymore! I'm taking a class on medical herbalism right now via correspondence. I am slowly making changes to eat more organic food, cutting out the soda (though I will admit Heritage Dr Pepper is my weakness!), trying to avoid foods with GMO's.
I also feel like I need to take finding my path more seriously as well. I like to think of myself as pagan, I'm quite eclectic I think. I'm drawn to Bast, but also drawn to the Celtic ways and pantheon. I'm also finding myself drawn to learning the ways of a Druid. Even though I have no known ties to being Celtic or a Druid. But oddly enough, while I've been secretly dwelling on these things, my beloved said to me last night as we were talking that if he didn't know better, he would believe I was a Druid in a past life. Some days, I feel like that too. I wish I could know for sure. I wish I could know why I'm so strongly drawn to the Celtic Path and to the Druids.
But anyway, I hope I don't disappoint anyone in that I am shifting the perspective of the blog from my writing journey to my life journey.