Thursday, November 5, 2009
NaNo Update of Sorts
Well, NaNo is proving a lot tougher than I ever thought this year. My new idea is just not getting very far. I'm trying, I really am. But after 4 days I'm still only at 577 words total. Today is day 5 and I've still got nothing. Just a total blank. And of the words I do have, I feel like it's just total crap. I'm even trying a new software called Liquid Story Binder XE, thinking it might help. OMG, this thing has so many features I don't even know where to start.
I'm at a point where I'm seriously thinking about becoming a "rebel". What's a rebel? Well, it's defined as someone who doesn't follow the norm of the NaNo guidelines. In my case, I'm considering ripping apart my previous WiP and rewriting it or, just hell in true Rebel spirit just leave what I have already which is just over 4k words and continue IF I can from there.
But with my muse as silent as she is, I don't know if I can accomplish either. I've got so much stress going on at the moment due to the "HIM" in my life. There were things he was supposed to do MONTHS AGO...and he didn't do them. Now shit's coming to a head and he's blaming me for it. If he did what he was supposed to do when he was told to do it some of these problems that have arisen wouldn't be happening. And NOW...even better...he thinks because he is now taking action, that once the dust settles things with us will be hunky dory and go back to what he considers normal.
I can't seem to get through to this man that I'm not in love with him anymore. That I do not wish to be married to him anymore. I know that it doesn't help that I have to live in the same house but for fuck's sakes get a damn clue. I mean hell we've been separated for 2 years! Yes, 2 years of not sharing a bed or anything of that nature. I have a room of my own which I try to make my sanctuary of sorts, but that's not easy to do.
And then, on top of all that, the holidays are approaching and I don't know how I am going to give the girls a good Christmas. And then, I miss my beloved so much. I hate that he is so far away. The days we spent together I felt safe and loved for the first time in a very long time. Not even "HE" made me feel safe in 20 years of marriage.
So, with all this stress going on, my muse seems to have grown even more silent than ever and I am afraid I'll not get anywhere with my writing ever or with my attempt at NaNo.