I read the comments back and there was a recurring response to my wish to start my life over. It got me thinking. And I felt I need to clarify what I meant.
I don't mean I want to start over, from the being without any of that bad stuff that happened. All of it good and bad makes me who I am, for better or worse. When I say start over, I mean in the now. I can't change the past, but I can make a choice of what or who I want influencing my life in the future. I can choose to not have these negative people in my life. I can choose to not listen to them when they spew their ugly venom (easier said than done but you know). I can't remove the demons that whisper or scream their haunting words at me, but I can start to try to not listen to them.
If I started my life over, I'd not have my two girls. I wouldn't know what its like to have them in my life. With out them, life is empty. They are my reason for living.
I can't go back in time. I can't change the past. I can't change history. But I can move forward and start to live my life my way. And I can surround myself with the people I want in my life.