Only The Good Die Young, They Say

I'm devastated.
I'm Heart broken.
I have no words.

Today Rona touched my family.
Today my 55 year old cousin died.

I haven't seen him in almost 19 years.

We weren't especially close in the way some cousins are.
Our families weren't like that.

After our grandma died, there was some fallout between our parents.
Over something stupid.
But it caused them not to speak to each other, or to us kids even.
He was the only one to continue to talk to any of us.

My fondest memory of him  will always be him trying to teach me
to play "Smoke On The Water" on the guitar.  I was maybe 4 or 5  at the time.
He showed me how to play the opening chords.

He loved music.
I know that much.

Today, is also the 5th anniversary of his father's death.
Tomorrow, marks 39 years  that our grandmother passed.

I hope both of them were there, waiting with open arms.




FUCK YOU RONA!

Is This The New Normal?

The Governor here extended out "lock down" for another 15 days until April 30th, he announced that two days ago. 

Then I see on the news sites that Michigan is bitching because they are on a "lock down" order and don't want to be.  The protesters are out there with guns and shit saying that they're quite okay with being infected or infecting others. Because the dumb asses think it's just like a flu or cold.  And it's a virus so it's supposed to spread.   (insert facepalm here)

Or just look to the Northern part of Idaho and they have a similar sentiment.  With one of the state reps going so far as to say she thinks people should be willing to infect each other just like parents do with kids and chicken pox.

I can't even find words to express how dumb shit like this pisses me off!!!


The other day, we went to go pick up a grocery order that we made online.
Can't get bananas
Can't get tomatoes
TP is still hit and miss. 

So we decided to brave another grocery store.
Donning masks and gloves, felt....well just weird!
And certainly not at all normal!!!!
Walking around the store, there were only a handful of shoppers here.
All but two people were without gloves or masks.
Everyone else was "geared up".
And everyone pretty much avoid each other as best we could.

We did manage to find tomatoes!
And paper towels!!!! even though it was only 1 package of 6 rolls per family.
No TP or Kleenex to be had here either.
Managed to find some rice, but was limited to 1 small bag.  2 pounds maybe?
And we find a few (or alot) of things we wanted. 
Outside of needing say milk, we should be okay I think for the next couple weeks.



Looking at how things are going.
State lines being somewhat closed to out of state people.
Travel bans.
Shopping limits as in how many can be in a store at one time, how long you can
be in the store in some places, how much of certain things you can buy.
It makes me wonder if this is the new state of things.
We have a leader how doesn't give a shit and many in the country like him.  Even if
it effects them negatively they still follow him blindly.  Okay well that parts not new,
but you know what I mean.
Schools have gone digital.
Movies have gone to online releases.
I can't help but wonder if this is the New Normal.

EARTHQUAKE!

So because life isn't messed up enough with a pandemic raging
through the world.
Oh no! No!

We had an earthquake today.
The first one in my life that I actually felt.

Living in Brooklyn back in the day, I never felt them.
It always felt like a truck or bus going by. Or maybe the
Subway.

The atmosphere felt different just prior, but I thought it was the weather.
It was raining on and off all day, and the wind kept coming up.

Then my desk chair started moving slightly.
When I felt the desk vibrate, I thought someone was shaking it from the other side. I was about to yell 'knock it off' when the whole house started to shake. The ceiling fan over my desk was rocking. And my chair was rolling around on the floor mat with me in it!

The air felt electric and then there was a pressure in the air that lasted a bit.  The whole event lasted a few seconds maybe, but it felt like minutes.

Turned out the earthquake was a 6.5.

I could have done without the experience.

No damage here, we are all okay.
Just a few pictures shifted on the wall.

Hoping not to feel any aftershocks.

End of the World As We Know It?

How we doing folks?
Hanging in there?
Staying safe? Six feet apart? Staying home?

We pretty much self imposed staying home about two weeks ago,
give or take a couple days.
We're considered an at risk household.  Asthma, chronic bronchitis,
diabetes.  So we're taking precautions.

Our governor finally manned up and issued the Shelter in Place order
for the state.  It is in effect for the next 21 days as of yesterday.

We need a few odds and ends.
Our most pressing need is dog and cat food, but more so the dog food.
Five dogs, two large breed, one mid, and two Wieners. 

We need some milk, creamer, ground beef, chicken, rice, and pasta.
Don't know what or if we will find anything.
But food, banking, doctor, vet, and essentials are the only thing we're allowed
to go out and travel for.

We decided it's a good time to try starting some seeds  indoors.
With all this going on, and grocers being out of goods because people are
panic buying every time the shelves are stocked. Gods forbid you need something
in your cart....I've heard the stories of people getting the stink eye because they
are buying a couple of cans.  Not cases, just cans...calm the fuck down people!

I heard another story where a lady went to a walmart and found some ground
beef.  Was going to buy six pounds of it.  Got to the check out and was told she
could only have one pound.  She told them she has a family of six to feed. How
is she supposed to feed six on one pound. They would not budge, so she bought
none.  I didn't know stores were limiting things like that.  Maybe it was a one
time/place thing. Maybe it was a mistake.  I dunno, but I didn't think we were
to the point of rationing food purchases, even though people are stupidly buying things.

So how about that stimulus check?
I probably won't see one.
I don't/can't work.
So I haven't filed taxes in 8 years.
But what if I did earn a small income?
But not enough to file taxes on?
I still wouldn't see a check.
So while it's a great plan and will help many people,
It won't help ALL the people.
It won't help people like me. It won't help the homeless.

Okay off that soap box........

I'm worried about people in my home state.
NY is getting hit so hard.  I have family there.  I have friends there.
I have friends in the Nursing field that I am worried about.
I feel helpless.  All I can do is hope they all stay safe and come out of this alive at the end.

What can I do?  I am going to help mom make masks!
We have at least one care home that can use them.  If I can catch the neighbor, I'll ask her
if her care home can use them as well. We'll also be checking which facilities have a need and
well do our best to get them there.  It's not much, but it's something.


I pray you all take precautions.
I want you all alive at the end of this thing.
Be smart! Stay safe!! Stay home!!

Crazy Times We Living Through

If you'd have told me that I would see something of this scale and magnitude in my life time
I probably would have thought you were crazy.

I mean, I've seen crazy shit like this living in the South.
OMG...hurricane coming stock up on non-perishables. 
OMG.......snow flurries in the forecast.
And you go to the store for "normal" stuff but everything like
milk, bread, and eggs are gone.
This like the South with a snow flurry forecast, but on crack!!

We had our first case announced on Friday.
Saturday, you couldn't find Milk, Eggs, Butter, Packaged deli
meats or cheese, Sausages, Kielbasa, or Brats, no hot dogs either.
Forget yougurts and OJ.
Fresh veggies were slim on some things too.
The frozen stuff was hit and miss.
No TP, hand soap or sanitizer, no bottled water.
Good luck finding Ground Beef, Chicken of any kind, or even
Pork Chops.
That was at Fred Meyer (Kroger for you Southern folk)

Went to a local owned store, it was more of the same.
But we did find milk and eggs at least.
This store does a case lot sale the first 2 weeks of March.
I think this is the first time I have ever gone where they are almost
completely out of EVERYTHING!

We figured we'd go ahead and grab what we need for the next week
or two and hunker down best we can.  Help with all that social
distancing and such.

Why is it so easy to stay home and not go anywhere when you want to?
But when it's imposed or suggested for the good of the realm, it's suddenly
the end of the world and you're stir crazy five minutes into the first day.
I'm trying hard not to over think or dwell on the doom and gloom of it all.
I feel like our so called leadership has be fucking useless in all of this crisis.
Can we please get some real adults in there to handle the situation?

I am truly amazed by all the people saying it's a hoax.
Or it's not really "That" bad.
Or thinking they are invincible and can't/won't get it.
Yet they are probably the same fuckers that are hording shit left and right.

It's just fucking crazy!
And I never thought I would see something like this in my lifetime.

All that to say, we are good for now.  Being smart, staying home.
It it my wish for you all to do the same, stay well & be safe.

Blog-A-Versary!

I just looked at my lists of posts.

And I realized that as of last week,
I've had this blog for 11 years!!
It's hard to believe that I've been blogging that long.


Some say blogging is dead.
Some say you can only blog successfully if you monetize it.

When I started all that time ago, money was never a factor.
It still isn't.

I don't know what I expected to get out of blogging.
But what I did get was some very incredible connections
who I consider friends.

I miss the early days of blogging.
Of making those connections.
Especially the new ones.
Of finding those kindreds that got you and understood you.

This space
This blog
Was
Is my sanctuary.

It is where I can brain dump
as best as I can to sort out my thoughts.

And so long as it is here
I will be here.

Thank you to all of you that follow me and read my rants and raves.
Thank  you to all of you that have commented over the years,
And to those that still do.
Thank  you to those who have become friends. ❤❤❤❤❤

The Accidental Pilgrim

WOW!  How the heck did I get here? 
I feel like I accidentally stumbled upon an internal pilgrimage.
I probably have.

It all started with a FB friend's post about a novena experience.
That led to me falling down the rabbit hole and meeting the
Blessed Mother, I think, along the way. 
It's almost like she was leaning on a fence post waiting for me to come
along the path. 

I have been seeking the Divine Feminine on and off for nearly 15 years.
I would start in earnest seeking and seeking.
Only  to get discouraged because I couldn't find what I was looking for.

Mary always seemed too taboo to me, too catholic.
I was done with Catholicism!  Nope, no thanks.
No rosary, No Hail Mary....NOPE! Not having it.

Give me Brighid, Cerridwyn, Lilith, and the like.
But even though I feel I was called by the goddess, all I heard was silence.
No direction, no epiphany, no guiding beam of light.
So maybe, I thought, maybe I imagined it all.

Then I fall down the rabbit hole.
And can you just see her.  Leaning on a fence post.  Twirling a rosary around
her finger.  I can almost imagine her chewing a piece of gum and wearing a
t-shirt and a pair of well worn jeans.  Not your usual Goddess dress or image.
She's had to adapt to the times.

I don't know what to make of this.
Is it just another random curiosity?
Or is it really a calling to seek the Divine?
I've never known how to tell the difference.
Any time I would think I was onto something,
I feel like I would be left floundering with no guide or direction.
I would end up with no answers but only more questions and frustration.

Yet I can't help but think I need to explore this road.
Because if the story my Grandmother told is true,
then without Mary's intervention
I would not be here.
I feel like I at least owe her that much.



Note: the photo I  took back in August 2016 at a Faerie Garden.