Like most women in the US that have experienced an assault, whether reported or not, I think we are all feeling all the feels with this case. Some of us coming out for the first time and still not being believed. Or the old "boys will be boys" "suck it up and move on" attitudes are just too much anymore.
I don't talk much if at all about the things that happen to me. And thanks to society and the ways of our world, I often have thoughts of "well maybe it was that bad"or "not as bad as it seemed at the time". Of course there's the guilt of what could I have done to prevent it from happening in the first place.
I often wonder why. Why did it happen? But more often I wonder why aren't we as victims turned survivors believed. Why do you doubt us??
I can't even stay on social media for long periods right now because it is all just too much. I did not expect to feel this way. I am angry. I am edgy. I feel like I need to be on my guard. I feel anxious. I feel like I just want to scream. I feel like if someone says the wrong thing that I will snap and just give them more than an earful.
So many of my online friends seem to be sharing the same thoughts and feelings. Some can put what I am feeling into words better than I can even try to do. I just can't find the words.
For all those people that just want the women to sit down and shut up and pretend it didn't happen because don't ruin the guy's life. What if it was your daughter, sister, niece, cousin, granddaughter, best friend? What then? Would you tell her to sit down, shut up, move on, pretend it didn't happen? What about us? Are our lives not ruined by the event(s), the assault(s) that happened to us? What if it were you? Would you feel the same if it happened to you?
Yesterday someone asked what all the hoopla was about with this judge. I guess I got on a soap box. Trying to give the short version of what it was. But I guess it was too long, too "complicated". I was then told by another person that the askee only wanted the short simple version. ..........There is no short simple version. And then the yes there is no there isn't banter started.
I'm sorry but there is no short simple version. Not from me. I am not going to sugar coat it.
I'm feeling triggered, raw, emotional. I might not be shouting from a soap box, but if someone asks I will not be sugarcoating it.
Nor should you sugarcoat it. You have the right to speak your truth and if other people don't like it, that's their problem, not yours.
ReplyDeleteAll those adolescent and teenage male victims of Christian sexual abuse -- do we tell them to sit down and shut up? Do we tell them not to ruin some poor priest's life? Do we ask why they didn't disclose it 30 years ago? Do we automatically disbelieve them?
Women survivors should be treated with similar respect.
Exactly! You are so right! Of course the church may have tried to pay some of these men off to keep quiet. But, it has snowballed into an avalanche. I recently read the entire NY diocese had to turn over records for investigation. The entire state! Not just one area. I never heard of anything happening in the church I grew up in, mostly it was rumors of priests having affairs with women.
DeleteI think the men abused in the church are brave for coming forward. Just as the women who come forward are brave. We can only hope that one day, women will be treated with the respect they/we deserve.