My how time has flown! I can hardly believe that it's December already. I'm grateful to have made it through Thanksgiving. It certainly was an emotional week.
It was the first time I ever spent it away from my girls and I missed them. It was 5 years since my Grandma passed away. I was angry to find out that my girls went to NY for the week. Well, not that they went, but that I didn't know they were going. It would have been nice to know that they were going. But at least they got to see their cousins and seems like they had a great time. I hope they did.
And now here we are moving towards Yule, Christmas, and New Years. More things that I've never spent away from my girls. I only hope I can make through the emotions. It will be a 5th Christmas without my Grandma. It will be the first time I probably won't do any of the usual family traditions I did with her and my family growing up. I think I'm okay with that as I'm not a practicing Catholic. It will be 17 years on Christmas Eve that I lost my Daddy. More holidays entwined with loss.
I can hardly believe that in 5 days I will be out here with my Beloved 6 months! Is it really 6 months already? Things have gotten better, and are getting better everyday. I think we are stronger now then ever before. We've come a long way since I got here. But he makes me smile everyday. He knows how to cheer me up and snap me out of a funk. And there's always a warm hug at the ready when ever I need or want one.
I didn't make it through NaNoWriMo...again. The thoughts just weren't coming together. Maybe I stress myself out too much to focus and expect to fail it from the start. I was thinking to myself earlier that I can do my own sort of NaNo. Set my own monthly goal, pick a month, and give it a whirl. I think perhaps too, it's my buddy the Fear Gremlin...it was speaking pretty loudly all month long.
Which leads to why I haven't done any art since I've been here either. The Fear Gremlin rears its ugly head every time I even start to think about painting. Plus I'm just out right afraid to paint out in the open in front of everyone here. And....I'm afraid that if I did, the kittens might entertain themselves walking out it. I have envisioned colorful paw prints dotting the house.
I REALLY REALLY need to get off my ass and just do it. Just write! Just paint! Just be!