Friday, December 2, 2011

Is It Really December Already?

My how time has flown! I can hardly believe that it's December already. I'm grateful to have made it through Thanksgiving. It certainly was an emotional week.

It was the first time I ever spent it away from my girls and I missed them. It was 5 years since my Grandma passed away. I was angry to find out that my girls went to NY for the week. Well, not that they went, but that I didn't know they were going. It would have been nice to know that they were going. But at least they got to see their cousins and seems like they had a great time. I hope they did.

And now here we are moving towards Yule, Christmas, and New Years. More things that I've never spent away from my girls. I only hope I can make through the emotions. It will be a 5th Christmas without my Grandma. It will be the first time I probably won't do any of the usual family traditions I did with her and my family growing up. I think I'm okay with that as I'm not a practicing Catholic. It will be 17 years on Christmas Eve that I lost my Daddy. More holidays entwined with loss.

I can hardly believe that in 5 days I will be out here with my Beloved 6 months! Is it really 6 months already? Things have gotten better, and are getting better everyday. I think we are stronger now then ever before. We've come a long way since I got here. But he makes me smile everyday. He knows how to cheer me up and snap me out of a funk. And there's always a warm hug at the ready when ever I need or want one.

I didn't make it through NaNoWriMo...again. The thoughts just weren't coming together. Maybe I stress myself out too much to focus and expect to fail it from the start. I was thinking to myself earlier that I can do my own sort of NaNo. Set my own monthly goal, pick a month, and give it a whirl. I think perhaps too, it's my buddy the Fear was speaking pretty loudly all month long.

Which leads to why I haven't done any art since I've been here either. The Fear Gremlin rears its ugly head every time I even start to think about painting. Plus I'm just out right afraid to paint out in the open in front of everyone here. And....I'm afraid that if I did, the kittens might entertain themselves walking out it. I have envisioned colorful paw prints dotting the house.

I REALLY REALLY need to get off my ass and just do it. Just write! Just paint! Just be!

1 comment:

  1. You gave NaNo your best shot and there were so many things going on for you, that the fact that you even tried is admirable. When it comes to the holidays, you have so much on your mind right now. Take care of yourself. :)