Farewell 2011

Like so many others today and tonight, I'm saying my farewell to you 2011. For the most part, I'm glad to see you go. It's not been the worst year on record, but it has had its trying moments.

As I mentioned before, my word for 2011 was Freedom. I wanted to be free of fear and doubt, I wanted to be free of the things that held me back for so long, I wanted the freedom to be me, myself...the person that was suppressed for many years. I wanted to be free of abuse and the ghosts of the past. I would like to think I've come as close to achieving freedom as I could.

I still have work to do on the fear and doubt front, and I'm still working on finding my way back to the me I want to be. I can only hope that 2012 will bring about the divorce to free me of "The Ogre".

I am looking forward to see what 2012 will bring. I wish you all much love, health, happiness, peace, and prosperity. May your days be filled with magic. Blessings upon you all. *MUAH!!*

Word For 2012

I have been spending the last few days rolling these two words around in my head. I thought Create was going to be it, but it felt lonely something was missing.

As I am fascinated by alchemy even though I don't know much about it past the mentioning of Nicholas Flamel in "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" or the tales of Ed and Al on "Fullmetal Alchemist", it still intrigues me.

Then it sorta popped into my head "CREATIVE ALCHEMY" that's my word for 2012! Every time I will paint or write I will be mixing elements to create what I want or at least I hope so. I may not have a Philosopher's Stone, but I have my crystals. I have my candles, my inspiration music, my Beloved (who also inspires me because he believes in my and supports my dreams). But it's not just painting and writing that I'll be creating. I hope to be creating more in the kitchen, like I did tonight. And I will be creating myself...becoming the person I am meant to be.

Wishcast Wednesday - New Year's Wish

On the final Wishcast for 2011, Jamie asks us What is your wish for the New Year?

Where do I start? There's so many things I want to wish for, but I don't want an endless list of wishes to fill this post. So I'll just make my wishes as they pop into my head and go from there...

• I wish that things with my Beloved just keep getting better and better
• I WISH to be FEARLESS!...in my painting, in creating
• I wish to create art
• I wish to write
• I wish to embrace who I am, to love who I am, to be at peace with who I am
• I wish for peace, love, joy, and health for all those I love and hold dear
• I wish for financial prosperity for them as well, and for myself too

I think that will do for now. I know there are more wishes in my heart that aren't surfacing yet, but I'm sure they will as the year unfolds.

Happy New Year! May 2012 be the year we all dream of and one worth remembering.

Goals for 2012, Things I'm Planning To Do

I heard about ROW80 awhile back, can say I remember from where but it sounded fun. A brand new round is starting January 2nd. You can find out more about it here. I want to write, I want to get out of this staring at my notebook or laptop rut I've been in and just start writing. Regardless if it's utter shit or not. That's what editing and revising is for. But if I don't start somewhere, then I fear that I will never get a novel or whatever it is brewing in my twisted mind completed or started for that matter.

So 2012...no more screwing around, no more excuses, no more bullshit. BUT...I need to be held accountable. I need to be kicked in the ass every so often, at least in the beginning until it becomes habit.

Other things on my plate for the start of 2012 is:

Book of Days with the fabulous Effy Wild
52 Playdates with Jan Fox
Strathmore workshops (to do them not just scan the emails :D)
River of Stones January Challenge (this is open to anyone so just FB search it)

I also want to do as many FREE workshops as I possibly can handle. I plan to dive back into painting and working in my art journal. I want to, plan to open my Etsy shop some time in 2012. I'm not happy with the name I had set up under, so I'm trying to come up with a new one. My dilemma is what do I do if some one has a name like the one I want???

I also want to get back to cooking more. I want to start experimenting in the kitchen again, seeing what I can come up with. Or finding a recipe, but putting my own spin on it.

So...who's up for kicking me in the pants every now and then to make sure I'm keeping with my goals and following my dreams?

Blessed Yule and Happy Solstice (yea I'm a bit late)

I just want to wish everyone a Blessed Yule and Happy Solstice. I had wanted to do a little ritual of some sort for myself but didn't know quite what to do. Then I had the opportunity last night to participate with Effy Wild and some of the girls participating in Book of Days 2012 in a little releasing and celebrating ceremony that Effy did. And man it was awesome...I actually got chills as she lit the releasing scroll on fire.

I know I didn't verbalize all the stuff I wish to release, I just couldn't think of it all at the moment. But basically it comes down to the fear and self doubt that I keep battling with.

I want to start off on my new adventures right, I don't want no stinking 'junkie junk' weighing me down and holding me back from finding my creativity, from tapping into my creative source and connecting with my Muse, and most especially interfering with my relationship.

Still mulling over my word for 2012, I think I've almost got it...I'm pretty sure I know it. But just in case, I'm gonna mull it over a little longer.

Bright blessings to you all.

Thinking About My Word For 2012

Yule is fast approaching, as is Christmas and New Year's. It's about that time of year to start thinking about my word or words for 2012.

My word for 2011 was Freedom. I had no idea when I picked my word how I would achieve what I knew I had to do. It took my word nearly crashing down around me, almost losing my Beloved... It took going through Connie's BIG workshop... It took the love and care and encouragement from some very dear people for me to escape my situation. All these things helped me reach my decision to leave and step out and travel 2200 miles to gain my freedom. These things helped me decide to leave an abusive situation.

I've have I think for the most part reached my word for 2011. I am free of the negative words and constant, sometimes daily put downs. I am free of feeling trapped by a man who tried and succeeded for a long time to control me. I am free to be me, free to find my way back to who I am, who I want to be. I am free to laugh at silly things, I free to be silly, I am free to believe as I wish, I am free to share my opinions and not be judged, I am free to create and paint. I am free to follow my heart.

While I have had a set back in actually doing art. That was of my own doing. I let my fears over take me and haven't picked up my paints or my paint brush in months, but I plan to change all that.

Which leads me to thinking about my word for the new year. I don't know if I can pick just one word. Right now, I am leaning towards Create. In some ways it seems like a good choice for me. But, I will ponder and meditate on some choices and see where I end up. I will post my choice at the end of the year.

Wishes, Wants and Other Ramblings

I really really want a pair of purple and black striped tights. Don't ask me why, I just do...been wanting a pair for months, I might even just settle for purple if I can't find stripes. I want fingerless gloves to match, though I don't think I will be so lucky to find them. I want more bohemian/hippie style clothes. It's more my speed/style. I love a lot of the stuff Amy Lee (of Evanescence) and Pauly Perrette (she plays Abby on NCIS). I just don't know if I could pull of the look or not. But bohemian/hippie...hell yea I think I can.

I wish...wish...wish I could take these fabulous workshops: Lifebook, DEEP, 21 Secrets. I know there are a couple (several if I'm honest) that I would love to take too. But those are my top 3 wishes. I just can't afford them. I wish I could. But money is thin, jobs are slim to come by. But maybe one day, I will be able to take them.

I wish to get back to playing with my paints. I wish the fear gremlin would just be quiet. I know that it's my own inner voice just lying to me, saying I can't or I shouldn't. I know I need to quiet it myself, or ignore it and just paint!

I wish our troops a safe trip home. I am happy for them and their families that they are all getting to come home and stay home. That this so called war is over.

I was going to talk about picking a word for the new year, but I decide that's for another post.

Book Review of "The Gossamer Gate"

I recently had the great privilege and honor of reading "The Gossamer Gate" by author and fellow blogger Wendy Callahan. I must say I really enjoyed this book and would definitely recommend it.

The story is about Khiara, a strong willed, independent woman who is also a witch and high priestess. She is in love with her best friend, who is the typical clueless guy that just sees her as one of the guys. And then there's Ronan, the Fae prince who has waited nine years to exact his revenge on her.

It's a fantastic story about friendship, following your heart, and finding true love where you least expect it. While following Khiara through the Otherworld to find her way back home, we meet many Fae on her journey...some good, some not. (I learned quite a bit about the Fae, some I never knew existed!)

The book is a quick read, under 200 pages. My only complaint is it left me wanting more. More of the story, more insight to a couple of the other characters. But over all I definitely give it 5/5 stars. I look forward to reading more of Wendy's stories.

Is It Really December Already?

My how time has flown! I can hardly believe that it's December already. I'm grateful to have made it through Thanksgiving. It certainly was an emotional week.

It was the first time I ever spent it away from my girls and I missed them. It was 5 years since my Grandma passed away. I was angry to find out that my girls went to NY for the week. Well, not that they went, but that I didn't know they were going. It would have been nice to know that they were going. But at least they got to see their cousins and seems like they had a great time. I hope they did.

And now here we are moving towards Yule, Christmas, and New Years. More things that I've never spent away from my girls. I only hope I can make through the emotions. It will be a 5th Christmas without my Grandma. It will be the first time I probably won't do any of the usual family traditions I did with her and my family growing up. I think I'm okay with that as I'm not a practicing Catholic. It will be 17 years on Christmas Eve that I lost my Daddy. More holidays entwined with loss.

I can hardly believe that in 5 days I will be out here with my Beloved 6 months! Is it really 6 months already? Things have gotten better, and are getting better everyday. I think we are stronger now then ever before. We've come a long way since I got here. But he makes me smile everyday. He knows how to cheer me up and snap me out of a funk. And there's always a warm hug at the ready when ever I need or want one.

I didn't make it through NaNoWriMo...again. The thoughts just weren't coming together. Maybe I stress myself out too much to focus and expect to fail it from the start. I was thinking to myself earlier that I can do my own sort of NaNo. Set my own monthly goal, pick a month, and give it a whirl. I think perhaps too, it's my buddy the Fear Gremlin...it was speaking pretty loudly all month long.

Which leads to why I haven't done any art since I've been here either. The Fear Gremlin rears its ugly head every time I even start to think about painting. Plus I'm just out right afraid to paint out in the open in front of everyone here. And....I'm afraid that if I did, the kittens might entertain themselves walking out it. I have envisioned colorful paw prints dotting the house.

I REALLY REALLY need to get off my ass and just do it. Just write! Just paint! Just be!