Last Post of 2010

It's been a roller coaster year emotionally, mentally, financially...it's be a roller coaster decade, who am I kidding? The last year has been eye opening, I think. Something, somewhere inside me has awoken after a very long sleep, though it is still not fully awake and still quite groggy, it is a start.

I don't like to make resolutions, I never ever stick to them. But this Word thing, that's got my interest piqued. But what word? Now that was tough! So...I made a list, and they all have some significance for me for the coming year. But one word always comes to mind first, right off the bat when I think about my list, in fact it was even the very first word I wrote down too. I'm going to take a wild stab here and say that it is probably my primary word for the year and the other words just kind of support it I think.

My Word for 2011 is: FREEDOM!

The rest of the words I came up with are

• Balance
• Trust
• Breathe
• Shine
• Create
• Fly
• Soar
• Self-Love
• Focus
• Achieve
• Goddess Wisdom
• Believe
• Dream
• Bliss
• Sparkle
• Inspire

In the coming year, I hope to find my Freedom. Freedom to be me, Freedom from fear and doubt, Freedom from a spouse I no longer want to be with that is controlling and emotionally abusive, Freedom to create, Freedom to trust, Freedom to live and breathe without worry.

I want to paint more, art journal more, write more, read more, live more, trust more.

I wish you all a New Year filled with all the most wonderful things and many many Bright Blessings. Stay Safe out there if you are going out or traveling. Namaste!

Wishcast Wednesday - New Year Wishes

It's kind of funny that I've been thinking about this subject for the last few days, wondering what I could/should/would wish for in the coming year. And lo and behold, it's the last prompt from Jamie for 2010 as she asks, "What do you wish for the New Year?"

As I was looking at the other wish caster blogs, I was and still am pondering my own wishes. There are so many that are important and so many more that are quite trivial. As I think about them, I feel almost like I'm repeating myself. But then again, could repeating them and constantly reminding myself of them bring them to life? So here we go...these are in no particular order....

My Wishes for 2011:

• I wish I could afford to take a few of Tam's art courses over at Willowing.ning.com.
  
• I wish I could afford to take Connie's "BIG" and "FEARLESS" courses at DirtyFootprints.
• I wish to find my freedom from the unhappiness I live.
• I wish to find the freedom to be me, with out fear of rejection, negativity and put downs.
• I wish to open my Etsy shop.
• I wish to move to be with my beloved.
• I wish to find the place to live where our souls/spirits are.
• I wish to find my writing voice again.
• I wish to be more creative...to draw, to paint, to craft, to create.
• I wish to learn to love myself.
• I wish to learn to trust, to forgive, to let go.
• I wish to find my path, my Goddess.
• I wish to learn to meditate and to read the Tarot.
• I wish for my daughters to be happy, to find their voice, to be free to be themselves.

And I also wish that all your wishes come true. I wish you all a Happy New Year. May 2011 be filled with love, joy, peace, good health, prosperity, creativity and magic.

Yule Blessings

Warm Winter Solstice wishes and Bright Yule Blessings to you all. I hope the coming year is filled with love, good health, good friends, health, happiness, and prosperity for you all.

I had the opportunity to see the Solstice Eclipse last night and it was beautiful and spectacular. Some clouds moved in a couple of times on us and tried to spoil it, but they moved out quickly and we were able to see our lovely Mother Moon go into her full eclipse. (then the clouds were back lol) The Moon's energy felt strong and powerful during the eclipse, something I never noticed or felt before. I only can hope that the energy from the Moon will help get me through until I can get to where I want and need to be.

I'm still here

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted anything. But, I just feel like I haven't had much worth saying. Everytime I thought about blogging something, it just sounded ... I don't know ... lame, pointless?

I've been feeling down since just before Thanksgiving. Four years ago, my grandma...my rock, passed away on Thanksgiving. Add to that having to deal with "HIS" sister and her holy roller friend. Follow that up with wishing I was with my beloved. And now leading into Christmas, I'm feeling even more down because it reminds me how much I miss my Dad who passed Christmas Eve 1994. My family seems to have a knack for dying on the holidays lol. And of course, having to be here with "HIM" makes me miss my beloved even more. Then "HIS" sister is coming again and this time bringing their niece. I think what pisses me off even more, is that I/we are EXPECTED to cook and host the holidays. Never once even when it was known we couldn't afford it, even now we can't...has anyone in "HIS" family said you know let's give you guys a break and we'll do it. NO! It's always...what time should we come over?

And "HE" keeps making all these plans to do this or that, to travel here and there. All I can keep thinking is with what money? And of course "HE" tells this to the girls, who get their hopes up. And for what? To be let down? I hate the empty promises "HE" makes all the time. I hate what it does to the girls when they get let down.

I don't belong here, I know I don't. Every bone in my body cries out that I'm supposed to be some where else. But, I don't know where that is. Some days I think, I should just pack what I can take and leave everything else behind. And other days, I feel like I can't leave certain things behind because they were left to me by my grandmother. I just wish I knew what the answer was as to what I should do.