Monday, August 4, 2014

My Thoughts On The Dream

No comments on the previous post, wow.  I'm a bit surprised.  Such is life I suppose.

Anyway, my thoughts on the dream are that my grandma kept looking forward this to me is saying that I shouldn't look back.  Keep looking ahead, the past can't be changed.  Seems legit and sound to me.  Especially since I keep thinking about the things I left behind, will I ever get them back.  Do I just need to let these things go and if I do get them great, if I don't well I need to be okay with that.

The ocelot, I'm not totally sure what it is trying to tell me.  It seems they have a lot to do with spirituality.  They are connected to tree and water wisdom.  They are strong and sure spirit guides, have the ability to exist in two planes at once (physical and spiritual world).

Part of this dream felt like I was being held back in someway by "him".  That in "his" own way "he" (I'm referring to the Ogre here, the not soon enough to be ex) is not letting me move on with my life.  Even though we haven't spoken since I left, or been in contact since a few months after that.  At one point several months, maybe last year even my young one said "he" wanted a divorce and would file for it.  That has yet to happen.  I would file myself if I had the money to do so, even though it scares me what he would do to my stuff still left at the house out of retaliation.  Heck, he might have already done something with it all.  I don't know, I only know what I'm told by my girls.

The river says I need to take a more decisive role in my life.  Maybe it's telling me that if I want total control of my life, I need to find a way to file myself and what ever happens happens.

The waterfall is an indicator of letting go.  To release pent up, negative emotions and feelings.  The dam means repressed emotions and feelings that need to be released.  I see a pattern here, do you?

Sounds like I need to release things...emotions, feelings, material stuff.  I need to take my own actions to move on, to take control back.  Just leaving isn't enough, I need to make it official.  So that I can really get down to the business of rebuilding my life and creating the life I want.  Now I just need to look into how I can self file, find out how much it would cost, and then figure out how to come up with said money.

I had hopes of being able to claim the $255 death benefit from my mother.  I had hopes of using that for filing.  But I found out that they changed the rules years ago and a surviving adult child cannot claim it.  Kind of sucks.  So I'll just have to find another way to get money for it.

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