Sunday, December 9, 2012

Drawing Inward

It seems to be that time of year, where drawing inward occurs.  I grow quieter, and ponder the past year...the marks I've missed, the goals I failed to meet, the ones I did meet., what do I want for the coming year, so on and so forth.

I realized I missed a lot of goals and opportunities this year, through no fault but my own.  I started off pretty good, then...somewhere along the line, I began to hem and haw, find excuses to delay, basically procrastinate.  I can't beat myself up over it, I can't go back and change any of it.  What's done is done.

Am I disappointed with myself?   Of course!  Am I angry?  Maybe a little.  But none of that will change anything either.

All I can do is strive to do better.  Make 2013 a better year.  I want to be more productive.  I want to create more art, write more, cook more, create more, read more.  I want to get an Etsy shop going...finally.  First steps would be to decide what I want to sell on Etsy, find a store name that reflects who I am and what I create.

If Julia Child didn't start cooking until she was 37, why can't I become who I want to be at 43?  I have such a bad habit of looking at how old I am and thinking too often that it's too late to do the things I want to do with my life.  Even though my Beloved tells me all the time that I'm not to old.  That age is just a number.  And I know damn well he's right!  (Don't tell him I said that! LOL!!!)  It's hard to change the thought patterns that have been embedded in my mind since childhood.  I have managed to over come many, but I'm far from done.  But I'm determined.

I really hope to stay on track with what ever goals I set for the coming year.  The next 22 days will be spent thinking, planning, wishing, hoping.  I will be thinking about my "word for the year".   One thing I've thought about is asking for a couple of volunteers to be my personal ass-kicker, motivator, cheerleader, cattle get the idea.  One I will be asking is my Beloved, because well he is the one person I trust the most.  He is here, and can when I'm not being productive.  But I'm also hoping to add a friend or two to the team that I can touch bases with monthly, bi-monthly, weekly, daily if necessary sometimes.  What ever it takes to stay on track to success.

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