Sunday, August 16, 2009

I want to see Julie & Julia

Something about the movie trailer for "Julie & Julia" inspires me. I have got to see this movie!! And my oldest wants to see it with me, that's a plus. I don't know what it is, if it's the clip of Julie's seemingly unadventurous life, or Meryl Streep as Julia Child. (I love Meryl Streep!) If it's the fact that I love cooking, and have not been creative in the kitchen for a while, or that my muse is missing and I still haven't been able to write. (But the little bugger is toying with me, I can hear her saying "Catch me if you can!")

Kinda like this scene...I need my own fairy to tell me everything is going to be alright. It's not just that I can't write, that I can't find my muse. I feel trapped in a endless cycle. I can't be myself. I can't do the things I want to do, the things that make me happy.

I have a negative person in my life that holds me back at every turn. They now have a team of people trying to work against me, to hold me back, to interfere in my happiness. This person is even talking about me behind my back, painting themselves in a positive light while I come out looking like the bad girl.

I feel like I'm at the end of my rope sometimes. I don't have a bunch of people I can turn to for advice and support, I don't have that safe haven. I need a ray of hope, I need an "its all gonna be ok faerie", I need to be free...I need to be myself. The sad part is, that this person has held me back, and pushed me down for so long, I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know how to find my way back. I used to be so independent, care free, sometimes adventurous. And now...I just feel like a trapped, caged animal with no means of escape.

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