I Should Be Careful What I Wish For...LOL

I've been wanting to remember my dreams. I even moved the dream catcher away from over my bed. I've only been remembering small segments like what I posted a few days ago, and then the ones I'm about to tell you about. (the dream portion is a crosspost from my other blog. I have followers here that I don't have there and vice versa).

Couple nights ago, I was in an old building. It was at least 2 story, but not necessarily with a second floor more like the roof was just vaulted that high. It was dim, almost like lit by candles or lanterns, and only enhanced more by the dark rain clouds outside. I could make out the think heavy timbers with dark stain that made up the walls and the ceiling. I know I was with my beloved and my eldest daughter.

We opened the door, and it was indeed raining, but moving off to our right. On opening the door I knew I was not stateside, and when I looked back at the building, I could see the heavy wood timbers and the white plaster of the building walls. Quite reminiscent of a home or shop in an old village. The clouds to the right were dark, the ones to the left were more gray. Out in front was a long dirt or stone road with a split rail fence and fields on either side of it, and a large group of trees off in the distance. Above us the clouds broke, and I could see some of the blue sky, and rays of sunshine though not the sun itself...And then a full rainbow appeared over us. I told my beloved "Kiss me quick under the rainbow." ....Then I woke up.

Last night I was where appeared to be a street in my childhood neighborhood. It was night, and there was a full moon. It was big and bright, and I found myself annoyed at the street light. I was marveling at the moon, when a smaller but reddish or orange-y red object appeared. At first I thought oh my it's Mars. But then 2 more of them appeared, like 3 moons of a red or orange-red, but they seemed fade or dim. Not bright. Together they formed a triangle...the first and smallest on the left, a larger one at the top and the third a tad smaller then the top one.

I was in awe. But if I looked at the Bright moon, the 3 went away...if I looked at the 3 the bright one went away. I thought I need my oldest to photograph, but I couldn't get to her for some reason. So I thought I would try to with my cell phone. But I couldn't focus, and they started to disappear, by the time I managed the photo there was only one remaining.

I have been looking into the meanings again of key words that jump out at me. Some of it does make sense, some I just confuse myself more. I know there may be nothing at all, or maybe some messages in these bits that I remember. I'm trying not to obsess over them, or over think them...but it's hard to not do that. Especially when this is a new area for me. Any insights would be most welcome.

Mercury, Why Must You Mess with Me??

UGH! Dear old Mercury is in retrograde again until September 12th and all he's been doing is making my emotions go crazy! I've just been feeling overly sensitive about just about everything. Could cry about most things at the drop of a hat the last couple days.

I've also been having the 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' feeling. Feeling like I need to walk on eggshells because one wrong word or action, the wrong tone of voice and BOOM all hell would break loose. I hate the 'walking on eggshells' feeling, I've had to do it all my life and hate it.

So I've just kinda been trying to focus on keeping myself calm and not over react to things, which is like almost impossible as it feels like someone kicked my sensitivity into overdrive. I really need to learn how to cope with Mercury better.

Week of 8/23

Inharmony's weekly horoscopes are up and once again is spot on as usual.

scorpio- with mercury retrograding in your 11th house of friendships and community connections the coming weeks are a perfect time to rethink, review and revise who you connect with and why. old friends from the past can come back into the picture- for closure or perhaps reconnection- as can old hopes and dreams you may have forgotten about. reconnecting with those who are really important and releasing those whose time has come is part of your mercury retrograde process. confronting deep fears around death, sex and power can also arise. these are your areas of life (scorpio rules all of them) but exploring your own deep fears is very different than probing other's. shamanistic journeys abound in the coming weeks- with friends or alone they can be quite fruitful if you allow yourself to go deeper than you've ever gone before.

I've been pondering of late, friends of my past wondering how things would be if we were still close. I know that some friends are just for a season, but back then as I think about it the season consisted only of what I could give them. I need to stop dwelling on such things and let it all go and move on to other things and new friends. I've also been pondering what are some old hopes and dreams I may have forgotten about and if they really are worth putting on my list of things to dream and do.

And with dear old Mercury in retrograde once again until September 12th, my emotions and feelings are just a mess.

Possible meanings?

So I've spent a good part of the day and some of last night, looking up key things from both dreams. I've found the following tidbits across various sites on the web. I wrote a lot down in my notebook, but I looked at so many I didn't bookmark or write down any of the web addresses. Sorry :(

I'll start with the horses. I initially thought of Epona. And while that seemed to click for me, I kept thinking there's more than one horse. And Rhiannon kept coming to mind. Horses symbolize strength, power, endurance; a white horse signifies purity, prosperity, good fortunes. Horses also symbolize hands on/spiritual healers. So then I looked up the 2 Goddesses.

Epona is a Celtic horse Goddess, other sites listed her as Gaulish. She can be seen as a Goddess of dreams, can be helpful in manifesting dreams and is a good protector to have when venturing on a new life path; also can be called upon if one is having trouble sleeping or wishing to have insightful dreams.

Rhiannon is a Welsh Goddess. She is known as a Muse for poets, artists, and royalty. She acts as a Muse bringing illuminating energy of Inspiration to writers, poets, musicians, and artists. She as been associated with Vivienne and the Lady of the Lake. One of her animal associations is the hummingbird! (I just saw one the other day after not seeing any for a couple years!) One of the associated gemstones with her is Amethyst (saw them in my second dream).

Castle can relate to past life influences.

The other dream: Beach symbolizes approach to spirituality or life. Water symbolizes spirituality, emotional state of mind, knowledge, healing, refreshment. Calm waves symbolize renewal and clarity. Crystals are associated with the healing powers of the spirit. To see crystals in you dreams signifies wholeness, purity, healing, development, and unity. May be a metaphor for something in your life that is taking shape. Crystal healer.

There seems to be some running themes and connections with both dreams. The Amethysts, healing, spirituality, new paths, writing, being a healer. Horses can also be seen as messengers from the Otherworld. One of Rhiannon's other associated animals is a dog...we just got a Yorkie last week (she was given to us).

I have been asking the Goddess to reveal herself to me, so that I may call her by name. Perhaps this is how she or they are choosing to do just that. I don't know if I am on the right track or there is some other meanings here and I'm just totally missing the point. But, it's a start.

Two Dreams, What Do They Possibly Mean?

The other night, I had a dream. Of a courtyard made of white stone with a large round fountain. People were gathered some in the courtyard near the fountain, others on a set of steps leading up to a castle (perhaps). Two large white horses came running up, splashed through the fountain and stopped before a young man amidst the crowd. He held out his hand to calm the people telling them it's alright, the horses were messengers. The young man held a helmet in his hand and wore some sort of ancient garb, possibly Roman, but this wasn't Rome. I think he may have been a prince.

Last night, I dreamed of being on a beach looking for crystals (gemstones). The tide was coming in and the waves were gently lapping at the shore. I found one fairly large (about the size of a grapefruit maybe) gem. It was tri-colored...clear at the bottom, a blue in the center and then a light purple at the top. A small piece of it broke off that was half blue half purple. I put my hand in the sand to retrieve it and spied a yellowish gem. Every time I tried to get the yellow one the waves would come and pull it away. Then as I was digging through the sand, I find another large crystal. This one was a smokey amethyst color with dark lines through it. I felt like I needed to keep digging but the water was covering the area I was searching, thus ending my dream.

I've been looking up some key word meanings on line, but I'd love to get some feed back from you guys as well. Any ideas?

Wishcast Wednesday-Fresh Start

This week Jamie asks "Where do you wish to make a fresh start?"

Loaded question there. Where don't I wish to make a fresh start is more like it.

I used to be somewhat intuitive. Over time, through various disasters in my life, loss, people putting me down, Christianity, etc...I've gotten out of touch with my feelings, out of touch with my intuition. I doubt everything and everyone a good bit of the time.

So I wish to make a fresh start in a few areas: In my life in general-to get out of a marriage that is no longer working, to learn the things I want to learn, in my path - be it Druid, Eclectic, or otherwise, in a new place ( I need to get away from where I'm at.), in my intuitive side - to learn to trust myself and others (again).

Shadowscapes Tarot

I've been wanting this deck for a while. They are just such a beautiful deck. And I won them! Woot!!! I received them in the mail today, and all I can say is wow.

Since I am so new to reading Tarot, they are probably a bit more advanced than I'm ready for. And the accompanying book, as far as card meanings, is way over my head right now. At least in the sense of what my other book gives me.

But, still, I had to try to do a reading with the deck. I shuffled the deck on and off all evening as the mood struck. Finally when I felt I was ready to draw my cards, I did so. I typically will do a 3 card spread. Tonight I drew the Knight of Pentacles, King of Wands, and Eight of Cups. Ah, the Eight of Cups, back again to smack me upside my head. I consulted the companion book first and was confused. So I turned to my other 2 books that I have, and looked on 2 websites to get a handle on what the cards meant. Then just for added information and maybe a little more clarity, I drew two more cards. First the Wheel of Fortune, and then the Three of Swords.

Mainly I feel like they are telling me what I already know in my heart. I wasn't expecting though to have such a clear reading my first go around with the deck. I have also started to a Tarot notebook to write down what cards get drawn and what their meanings are. I still don't know which deck is going to be my "go to" deck. And sometimes I try all three decks just to see if it all makes sense or not.

But this really and truly is a beautiful deck. I love the art work and the colors. They are easy to shuffle too.

What is My "Eat Pray Love"?

So Mother Moon is having a give away as I mentioned in my previous post. The premise is off of Liz Gilbert's book "Eat Pray Love", which is now a movie that was just released on Friday starring Julia Roberts. I love Julia from her "Steel Magnolia" to "Erin Brockovich" to "Eat Pray Love" and numerous other movies I've seen her in, though not the latest, and we share a birthday! I came across Liz Gilbert a few months back when I saw a post about her TED talk. She is an amazing woman.

I don't have, at present, the ability to travel the world to find myself even though there are days I wish I could just take off and go to the places I feel I need to go to find some answers about who I am. For now, I will need to make do with my search from the comforts of my little room. Well Mother Moon asked what is our "Eat Pray Love". And at first I just sat there going "WHAT?" Then I went and read her previous post in which she shared what hers was, and so I thought I'd share mine too.

My Eat: I can't list just one thing! There's PASTA! I love pasta, with a really good sauce the kind you want use a hunk of bread to sop up when the pasta is gone. And of course, Chocolate! I love dark chocolate, but not too bitter. One of my weaknesses is Ghirardelli's Raspberry filled dark chocolate. And chocolate truffles...there was this department store called A & S when I was growing up, and the one in downtown Brooklyn had a little gourmet chocolate counter and they had this truffle bar that was to die for. And then there was a Choxie's Truffle I fell in love with but can no longer find. Let's see...there's fresh herbs and spices to cook with. I love Chinese food and a good Indian Curry. Or a smooth, creamy cheesecake. Herbal teas or maybe an English Breakfast or Earl Grey...a nice White Zin would be good too...okay those last ones are drink but food and drink go together.

If I could travel to explore My Eat, I'd love to visit place like Italy, France, China, India...places where I could experience culinary delights of pure ecstasy.

My Pray: Being new the Pagan path, and trying to find my way. Pray is hard at times as I seem to still associate it with Christianity. But if I change my perspective its going out on the deck in the morning to listen to and see the birds, see the occasional Gecko, or catch glimpses of a butterfly, to feel the warmth of the sun before it gets too hot or feel a breeze wash over me. In the night, its to stand out beneath the moon when its full, gazing up at her while basking in the moonlight, silently speaking to the Goddess. There is a clearing in the woods behind the house that I liked going to, it seemed a nearly perfect circle. But I hate ticks and I think the woods are probably crawling with them and now a fence keeps me from venturing there anyway.

If I could travel to seek out my path, I would go to England to visit Glastonbury, the Tor, Stonehenge and other sacred sites. I'd visit Ireland and Scotland. Perhaps Greece or Egypt.

My Love: First I'd have to say my girls. They are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I think sometimes the only thing I did right. They are my world, my reasons for living. Then there's my Beloved. I don't know what I would do without him. He loves me no matter my ups and downs, my times of falling apart and pushing him away or the times I shine. He doesn't try to change me, he accepts me for who and what I am and who I may become. He supports me in everything I do or dream to do. He's my rock, my candle in the dark places, he's everything to me. Last is my furries...Lilly my cat in Idaho who I've not yet met but she knows me or so my beloved says, then there's Gizmo our kitty here, and our new addition Lucy the Yorkie.

My other loves are my writing (even if it is stalled right now), my (addiction) to pens and notebooks, BOOKS!, and All of You that stop by my little cyber world here and leave me your thoughts and notes of encouragement and support and advice. I love you all.

Thinking on these things was a challenge for me in some ways. But it made me think. I helps me to put things in perspective. I don't think there are any right or wrong answers. So what's your "Eat Pray Love"?

Awesome Give Away at Mother Moon.

Hey everyone, stop by Mother Moon's blog. She's having an awesome "Eat Pray Love" give away.

Today I Saw....

A beautiful little hummingbird.

As I was talking on the phone with my beloved this morning, I went out on deck to see the butterfly that flew past the window. Curious to see what kind it was and if it stopped by my butterfly bush, to my delight it did. It was a Swallowtail I believe. As I was telling my beloved that it was the first butterfly I'd seen in a long time. Just as I was about to say, I haven't seen any hummingbirds in like forever....one flew past, stopped at the bush and hovered for less than a minute then flew off.

So I wondered what is the meaning of the hummingbird. Here is what I've found online:

*Bobby Lake-Thom/Spirits of the Earth:
Hummingbird is a very good sign. She is a good-luck messenger. She takes our prayers to the Great Creator. She is a doctor and healer. The Hummingbird has the power to travel long distances under great odds and obstacles. Her colors promote healing and balance. She is very smart and very spiritual. She can teach us how to soul-travel, develop psychic powers of the mind, and how to be graceful.

*Hummingbird medicine is herbal; it shows us how to use flowers for healing.
They teach us how to draw life essence from flowers
and create your own medicines.

This totem reminds us to explore the past and extract the sweetness from it.
It can help you find joy and sweetness in any situation.
Grab joy as swiftly as you can.

*In Native American culture, a hummingbird symbolizes timless joy and the Nectar of Life. It's a symbol for accomplishing that which seems impossible and will teach you how to find the miracle of joyful living from your own life circumstances.

They are really spectacular birds, and have a lot to teach a person about self discovery and healing.

Animal-Speak: The Spiritual & Magical Powers of Creatures Great & Small

By: Ted Andrews

*(from rainbowcrystal.com)The hummingbird is unique in that it can fly not only forward, but backward and sideways. It also has an unusual hovering pattern, and can move its wings in a figure eight pattern -- a symbol for infinity.

*This flying pattern also has meaning for us. So often, we find ourselves stuck in time: lost in regret about or longing for the past, or hoping (often without much true hope) that the future will be better, hanging our dreams on a distant cloud.

*Hummingbird shows us how to re-visit the past for the purpose of releasing it instead of being caught in a permanently backward flight pattern. It also helps us to see that if we step aside we may see our life differently.

*Hummingbird teaches us to transcend time, to recognize that what has happened in the past and what might happen in the future is not nearly as important as what we are experiencing now. It teaches us to hover in the moment, to appreciate its sweetness.

And since I saw them both, here's what I've found on butterflies:
*Butterfly - Transformation.Butterfly fearlessly leaves the safety of its cocoon to meet a new world in a new form, trusting its untried wings to allow it to fly. It is a powerful symbol for anyone who's contemplating or in the midst of a major change.

*The Russian word for butterfly is bábochka. It is a diminutive form of "babka" meaning grandmother, also called "babushka". Incidently, this is also true for Polish, Babka or Babci means Grandmother. A babka is also a cake (very delicious too I might add :D)

*The Ancient Greek word for "butterfly" is psȳchē, which primarily means 'soul' or 'mind'.

*Butterflies are also seen as the symbol of rebirth.

So maybe, this is nature's way of trying to tell me something. I'm trying to make it a point to pay some more attention to the world around me, as I have asked the Goddess to show me what to do and guide me there. Never know where the answers will come from.

Week of 8/9/10...

Heh, gotta love the date we won't see that for another hundred years. Anywho, Inharmony put up this weeks horoscopes. And as usual, resonates some with me. The forging a new life path, dealing with fears, confronting and dealing with beliefs, etc.

She also says to pay attention to my dreams, now this is the second time this week I've read this. The problem is though....I'm having trouble remembering anything from my dreams. And if I do remember something, it's weird and crazy and makes no sense at all, and are such small snippets I can't glean anything from them.

I can see the need to deal with fears especially when it comes to my relationship with my beloved, and the forging of a new life path (with my beloved and of my own with my studies and possibly selling my crafts). I can also relate to the need to deal with and getting past ingrained beliefs on a spiritual level. I just wish I could remember my dreams or the at least the portions of importance, for there is where the answers to some of my questions lie.


Inharmony says:
scorpio- monday's new moon falls in your 10th house of career and standing in the world pointing to the way out of all the grand cross intensity that has been dynamically activating your chart (and the world) over the past several weeks. any situations involving work, health, communication or deep unconscious fears can be dealt with by starting a new chapter in your life path- but the new chapter that asks to be written will not be easy or quick. it requires work and pruning away of the old- this new moon demands we deal with anything we are not acknowledging! meanwhile venus, mars and saturn are aligned in your 12th house of the unconscious bringing important lessons about self-mastery of the yin and yang within into play. confronting deeply held beliefs and patterns about what the feminine and masculine are and what you are allowed to portray can open up a whole new way of being- but the confrontation of the unconscious required ain't no walk in the park. with your 12th house so highly activated paying attention to your dreams is key. answers come in the middle of the night that the ego would never allow to come in the light of the day. pay attention to the signs- and let your Soul, rather than your ego, interpret them.

These Are A Start

So I've been trying to think of ways to maybe earn some money. Michael's had a great sale a couple weeks ago on the Sugar & Cream brand yarn, so I invested in some (like maybe 20 skeins of it? lol) Then I found a fairly simple pattern to make some cute little bags that I could do while I got used to the rhythm of crocheting again. My last big project was some "Harry Potter" themed scarves back in like 2005!

I plan to make more. I've gotten used to the pattern, and found a new way to start it thanks to a wonderful Youtube video on "how to do a magic circle" (how fitting, don't you think?)

My first 3 or so were done as per the pattern, they are prototypes as I was learning the pattern. The lighter colored ones which ended up in line with the pattern's size description were done using the magic circle to start it technique.

My plan is to start selling them on Etsy at some point. I just don't know what or how to do that. I don't have a 'store' name, or know how to price such things, or even if they are good enough to sell. But here's a sneak peak at what they look like. I hope to include some shawls, and perhaps if I can master the pattern some larger bags.

Here's hoping to a start of something good.