I have not missed this feeling.
But does it ever really go away.
I've been trying hard to ignore it.
That's not working out so well.
It sure is starting to rear it's very ugly head here again.
I've been trying to play with my camera a bit more often.
I started thinking today about maybe entering into the photography
competitions at the 2 local fairs coming up.
And oh boy did that feeling like an imposter rear it's very ugly head!
I have waited to enter anything because I wanted to do it under my
current name, not my former name. Stupid reason probably. But there
it is. And then factor in that I don't feel skilled or adequate enough to
enter. I've been to the one fair a couple of times. And let me tell you,
I sure don't feel like I can even begin to compete even at the armature level.
I don't qualify as an advanced armature. I don't even fully understand what
that even means. The upside is, if I do enter anything as an armature it doesn't
cost me anything, except my pride maybe. The only cost I would have is to have
the photo(s) printed and mounted.
It's crazy that I think about this, these competitions all year. Then when it
comes time to consider entering, I get cold feet. Really the imposter syndrome
just rises up and it is very overwhelming. Paralyzing even.
It makes me feel like I have to right to even try.
You know, who do I think I am.
I have always had an interest in photography.
Even back when I had a film camera. One of those cheap 35mm ones. I think
back then, the most expensive one I had was about 99 dollars or so.
Then around 2003 or so I moved up to a rather inexpensive digital camera. It too,
only cost me about 100 dollars.
I didn't feel like had the right to indulge in my interest. Or to invest in what
could have been a deeper passion at the time. I didn't feel like I was allowed
or worth it.
So now, here I am trying to give myself permission.
To explore. To practice. To maybe some day do something with my pictures.
I'm not much of portrait photographer. I am more into nature and landscape,
wildlife, that sort of thing.
It's just another one of those things I need to overcome. But do we ever really?